


TheGirlwhoLeft

by Nicknack2814



Series: The Girl [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicknack2814/pseuds/Nicknack2814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mel joined Sam and Dean on the hunt for yellow eyes, but had to drop out due to unforeseen circumstances. Nearly seven years later, Dean turns up on her doorstep with a critically injured Sam and an Angel of the Lord; he needs her help to save Sam but the secret she's been keeping since she left might just save him too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flashback

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't set at any particular time. The past events are just before the end of season 2 which puts the present day at the end of season 8 (or around that time) I've not been very good at time-lining it sorry

Mel flung open the door and looked dead into a pair of brilliant green eyes, eyes that sent her reeling back to a time and place nearly seven years ago and a memory she was hoping she'd wouldn't have to relive. 

Six years and eight months ago...

Mel took a few deep breaths, she closed her eyes and hung onto the sink as if her life depended on it. This was not happening, it was a dream or a trick, it just had to be. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror, breathing in deeply and trying not to hyperventilate. Shit! This couldn't be happening! This was ridiculous! How was she supposed to deal with this? It wasn't real, it just couldn't be! She felt tears start to form behind her eyes when she heard a knock at the door,  
"Hey, Mel?" Sam's voice floated through the door, "You okay in there?"  
"Uh...yeah," Mel heard herself say, her voice a little wobbly, "Must have been a bad burrito or something..." she tried to chuckle,  
"I hope not, I ate the same thing," she heard Dean's gruff voice from the other side of the room.

They were in a motel, the usual stop for a quick hunt. Some whacked out town in the back and beyond, they had a little vampire problem, nothing the boys and Mel couldn't handle. She'd been with them nearly two years now, since her best friend Jess (also Sam's girlfriend) was murdered by the yellow eyed demon. She'd caught Sam and Dean just before they left campus, made them tell her what really happened and practically forced them to take her with them. Jess hadn't just been her best friend, she'd been her whole family, they'd grown up together and when Mel's parents died a few years ago, Jess and her family had pretty much adopted her; if there was anything she could do to avenge her death, she was sure as Hell going to do it. 

She looked down at the small object on the bathroom counter and shuddered. They hadn't even killed the yellow eyed son of a bitch yet and it looked like she was going to have to bow out before the fight had even started. One fucking pink line and her entire life had changed beyond recognition. She couldn't get rid of it, that option wasn't even an option to her, but it meant she couldn't stay here either and she sure as hell couldn't hunt anymore. Just as things had started getting good, she had to leave, and she couldn't even tell the guys why. 

She sighed and felt the tears start falling, she was in this on her own. She couldn't tell Dean she was pregnant, much less tell him he was the father. He'd been through so much already and Mel knew him well enough to know that all he'd do was twist himself up in knots trying to do the right thing, so it only took her a few minutes to decide that she wasn't going to put him though that. He might hate her for it in years to come if he ever found out but she would hate herself if she didn't, and she wasn't going to live with that. It was at this point Mel remembered how hard and fast it hit her that she was, in fact, in love with the ass. The pain in her heart made her catch her breath as she realised she probably wouldn't ever see him again. She couldn't tell Sam either, she knew he'd probably agree with her and even keep her secret, but she couldn't put that between them, if Dean ever did find out she couldn't be the reason him and Sam fell out.

She covered her mouth as a steady flow of tears fell, in an attempt to keep herself silent. After a few more minutes she managed to gather herself and calm down, she ran a sink full of cold water and splashed her face with it, then patted it dry with a hand towel, she shoved the pregnancy test in the bin, wrapped in a thousand tissues and before she could chicken out she opened the door and emerged from the bathroom.  
"You all good?" Sam looked at her with concern,  
"Yeah, dodgy stomach, must have eaten something, or caught a bug, I'll be fine," Mel shook her head and went to lie down on the unoccupied bed. Dean frowned at her from the other bed and sat up on his elbow to look at her, "You sure you're okay?"  
"Yeah, nothing a good sleep won't fix," Mel tried to smile back,  
"Lanie, I'm serious, you'd say if something's up right?" Dean continued to frown at her, not being able to shake the feeling that something was wrong,  
"Yeah, of course I would," Mel swallowed the lump in her throat and shut her eyes quickly to stop more tears escaping, she had to do it this way, it was the only way that made sense,  
"Okay, wheels up at eight," Dean settled uncomfortably back onto his bed, still frowning at her.  
Mel kept her eyes shut as she nodded and tried to concentrate on anything but her current situation and what tomorrow would bring. It took a very long time but finally she managed to drift to sleep.

It didn't feel like she'd been asleep long when she heard Dean's voice in her ear trying to rouse her, "Hey, Lanie, time to get up bird, we gotta go," she smiled at the sound of his voice and the way he called her 'Lanie', no one except him did that. Her name was Melanie so everyone just called her Mel, including herself, but she loved that he was different, that they had that between them. Just as she was starting to wake up to the day, all the events from the night before hit her like a brick wall and she wanted to curl back up and pretend it was yesterday instead.  
"Okay, I'm coming," she shuddered, as she unfurled herself from the blanket someone had lain over her after she fell asleep. She had just about sat upright when a wave of nausea caught her off guard, she held it together long enough to make it to the bathroom without raising suspicions, and thanked the heavens that she was a silent up-chucker. She cleaned herself up and brushed her teeth then left the bathroom. 

Mel shoved what few belonging she had into her shoulder bag and stood to face the boys. She cleared her throat a little to get their attention and shifted her weight awkwardly when she got it,  
"So...um..." She smiled weakly, her heart was beating so fast she could barely hear herself think, she wished she'd at least rehearsed what she was going to say in her head, but typical Mel just went in head first and totally unprepared, "the thing is...I don't think I can do this anymore," There, she said it. More like threw it out of her mouth before she bottled it. She looked up at the boys to see them both looking at her blankly,  
"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" Sam looked at her puzzled,  
"I've got to leave, I can't do this anymore, I need to get out, I'm sorry," Mel felt her heart breaking as she saw Dean's face turn to stone. They'd been fooling around for a while now, but that was all it was, at least that's what Mel had convinced herself, and Sam had no idea, it wasn't a big deal and it was just...fooling around.  
"Hey, it's cool, don't be sorry, it's not for everyone, I'm surprised you stuck it out this long," Sam chuckled, "So long as there's nothing else going on, we're good,"  
"No, nothing else, I've been thinking for a little while, it's just not for me anymore," Mel shrugged and blinked back tears, "I'm gonna miss you guys though," she said with a wobbly breath,  
"We'll miss you too," Sam walked over and gave her a huge bear hug, "You better keep in touch," he warmly warned her, "See you round, Mel" he let go of her and picked up his stuff, looking at Dean,  
"Yeah, see you round Mel," Dean voice was cold and hard as he gave her a half hearted wave, but that last word cut her in two,  
"See you round Dean," she reciprocated but with a little more feeling, before Sam could push the situation. It hurt like hell that that's the way they'd left things but it beat opening a whole can of worms, especially one that had a surprise baby at the bottom. She watched from the door as the boys drove away and then went back to the bed and cried and cried and cried until she could cry no more. She got up, wiped her eyes and left without looking back.


	2. In heat

"I need your help," the sound of Dean's voice brought her back to the present day with a snap. Mel had kept in contact with Sam long enough to tell him she was training to be a nurse, and give him her address telling him she'd always be there and if they ever needed her to just call. They hadn't called but looking at the state of Sam she couldn't argue, she didn't need to be a nurse to tell he was in bad shape. She looked from a pleading Dean, to the limp form of Sam, to the stranger helping Dean hold him up. She sighed, it was going to be a long night.  
"Come on in," she opened the door to let them through and as Dean walked past her she caught a whiff of his aftershave mixed with the scent of just him which sent her straight back to the night that started it all...

Seven years ago...

Mel had just got back from a particularly nasty hunt with the boys and it was really late; it was a basic vengeful spirit but incredibly powerful. It took all three of them to hold it off long enough to dig up the body and salt and burn the bones, they were at it a few hours. They'd just got back to the motel; this one had enough vacant rooms for Mel to have one of own, something that seemed to be a 50/50 probability wherever they happened to end up. Mel had walked straight into the boys room without really thinking about it. Sam didn't even acknowledge anyone, he just headed for the shower being the most beat up and bloody out of the three of them.

Mel grabbed a bag of chips and sat down at the table, crossed her legs and looked at the TV that Dean had just switched on. Dean came up behind her and reached around to help himself to the same bag Mel was eating out of. She smelt his aftershave and the scent of sweat, something she instantly told herself she should find disgusting but she couldn't help it, it really turned her on. She'd been battling with this sudden desire for about a week now, it felt like she was in heat. It had happened before, when she was at college, but she usually had a boyfriend who would help ease her troubles. There was only one other time she'd felt like this without a partner to relieve her and by the time she'd gotten this bad she'd given in and called in a 'friends with benefits' favour. She couldn't do that here, all she had were Sam and Dean and as far as picking up a nice guy? Well she'd seen what was out there and now no one was a safe bet, especially in these nowhere towns where the closest thing to finding a one night stand was a biker bar or some skank club. 

Mel took a deep breath trying to steady herself and gain some sort of control over her body, which was such a stupid thing to do because she just breathed more of him in. She squirmed in her seat, thankful that she wasn't a guy with a dick to betray her, at least no one could see what was going on in her pants.  
"You okay?" Dean stared at her curiously,  
"Mmhm," Mel mumbled, unable to stop his deep voice from vibrating more than just the air around them,  
"We can watch something else if you want? There's some great porn for rent," he gave her a wicked grin which sent her well and truly over the edge,  
"I've gotta go," she jumped up, suddenly remembering her own room and feeling like she couldn't get there fast enough,  
"Woah, what's up with you?" Dean frowned at her and moved towards her which made Mel jump back. Touch would make it worse, the heat of his hand on her body, the feel of his skin on hers...touch would defiantly make it a lot worse, she thought to herself, trying not to get lost in her imagination.  
"Nothing. Nothing is up with me..."She tried to dodge around Dean for the door but he was far too quick and she kicked herself mentally for knowing he would be, but still trying in the hopes that she would lose, which resulted in Dean's hands on her arms and him looking straight at her. She closed her eyes and breathed out this time, trying to ignore the electricity pulsating through her body from his touch, it was not easy.  
"Seriously, you've been acting weird for days, what's up with you Lanie?" His voice made her melt and she couldn't take it anymore,  
"Okay, you can't call me Lanie anymore...well for at least another week," she opened her eyes and stepped well back from him, she took a deep breath in and carried on not able to stop herself, "and you can't be within two feet of me, please talk to me as little as possible and shower using women's soap as much as possible, don't look at me and seriously, don't suggest watching porn with me because right now you're gonna get an answer you really aren't expecting and I'm pretty sure you won't like," she blew out the rest of her breath, put her hands on her hips, looked at the floor and then mumbled to herself "shit, shit, shit," before looking up apprehensively at Dean, who was doing his best impression of a fish,  
"I'm sorry, what? Did I miss something? Is this your weird way of saying that you're into me or something? Cause I'm not sure..."  
"What?" Mel cut him off, "Hell no! Into you?! Are you crazy?! No, that's not at all what I'm trying to say...although...thinking about it that's probably exactly what it sounds like I'm trying to say," Mel huffed, walked over to the bed and flopped down on the edge of it, "I'm trying to say, I'm into anything that looks human and has a pulse," she looked up at Dean who had stopped his panic attack and was now looking at her with curiosity.  
"You mean to say..." He trailed off,  
"Yeah, pretty much, I can imagine this is what it feels like to be in heat, I'm so freaking horny right now I can't even think straight, not beyond a hunt anyhow, and I have no way of working it out of my system, if you get me," Mel sighed, it felt good to talk about it, she'd never really talked about it before, even with her exes, "I can't really do one night stands, especially knowing what's out there now, and screwing myself hasn't worked up till now..." She saw Dean shift awkwardly and cough, a slight blush forming on his cheeks,"Sorry," Mel said, "too much information," she gave a half-hearted laugh and then just looked at her hands dejectedly.  
"I don't get what the problem is? So you're craving some action? Just bite your tongue and let it pass, other than making the odd situation awkward, it can't be that bad?" Dean shrugged and came to sit on the edge of the other bed, facing her,  
"Can't be that bad? Are you kidding? The odd situation?! It's every situation! That waitress this morning, the junior assistant guy at that office, the old bald guy in the morgue...hell, you couldn't even share a bag of chips with me!" Mel was exasperated, "I can't eat because I can't sleep, I can't sleep cause all I can think about is sex," she closed her eyes without realising, "the touch, the feel, the heat of body on body, skin on skin, kissing...everywhere, the sounds, the moans, the way it builds and builds, the boom," Mel opened her eyes wide as she remembered where she was and Dean shifted in his seat uncomfortably, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.  
He gave Mel a sideways glance and she cleared her throat awkwardly, "Yeah, so...I'm gonna go, I think you get what I mean now," she bolted towards the door,  
"Yeah...I think I got it," Dean said gruffly and just waved at her without looking as she left.

Mel couldn't get into her own room fast enough. She breathed in the unoccupied air and tried to take her mind off of anything remotely sexual, she was doing well so far but then it had only been a couple of minutes. She decided to take a shower, seen as she didn't have to wait in line anymore, and went to turn it on. As the shower was heating up she breathed in the steam and tried relaxing, she focused on her breathing and tried to shut out all her distractions. It worked for the most part, she stood in the shower for a long while like that and managed to dry off without working herself up much at all. She was just about to climb into bed when she heard a faint tap at the door. Frowning she threw on a t-shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts, picked up her gun from her bag and went to look through the spyhole in the door. To her surprise and concern it was Dean.

Mel threw open the door and let him in.  
"What's wrong?!" Mel studied his face trying to find the answer,  
"What? Nothing's wrong," Dean frowned at her,  
"Then what are you doing at my door this late? Or early should I say?" Mel put the gun down with a clatter and turned to Dean with her arms folded, not looking happy, "I was gonna try and get some sleep, you've set me back a couple hours now!"  
"Well blame yourself," Dean huffed at her, "thanks to you, I can't sleep now either,"  
"What?" Mel unfolded her arms and stared at him, completely taken aback,  
"Thanks to your little..." Dean waved his hand at her, "sharing session, I can't sleep now either,"  
"Go screw yourself Dean," Mel shot at him, so irritated at him that he'd even find her problem funny,  
"Oh I tried that already, twice," he looked at her pointedly, "didn't work,"  
"You're being serious?" She couldn't believe him,  
"Deadly, yeh," Dean let out a long angry breath, "What the hell have you done to me?!"  
"I didn't do anything to you!" Mel retorted, flinging her arms out at him in frustration, "I'm sorry it got you all worked up but you're a big boy, I thought you could handle it, well...I didn't actually think to be honest, it all sort of just came out, but that's not the point! Why are you here?! That's the point! Why are you here?! Just go and get laid, you do it all the time!" Mel was starting to yell at him now,  
"I can't, it's four in the morning and since you dropped that line about knowing what's out there and nothing is safe...blah blah blah...it made me think, okay?"  
"No! Not okay! You're suddenly thinking now?! Well did you stop and think before knocking on my door and coming in, that you've put two highly charged and very sexually frustrated people in the same room together?! Didn't think about that..." Before Mel could finish Dean had closed the small gap between the two of them, he put one arm around her waist pulling her into him and the other hand around her back holding onto her neck. Mel lost her breath as his lips crashed into hers and all she could feel was her body screaming out in triumph. She kissed him back fiercely, her hands around his face and his neck, then moving to his waist. Mel was just about to pull his t-shirt off his head when she remembered who she was kissing, "Dean," she pulled away panting,  
"What?" He growled at her, and it took every ounce of self control not to jump back on him,  
"Uh...this here, wow..." Mel doubled over in pleasure and wanting, "uh...you have got to be sure about this, you come at me again like that and there is no stopping, like seriously, we're gonna be all kinds of familiar by the morning," Mel looked at him seriously, scared he was going to back off but just as scared he wasn't,  
"Oh you have no idea," he smiled wickedly before pulling her back to him and whispering in her ear, "and for the record, this definitely occurred to me...I _was_ thinking when I knocked on the door..."

That was all Mel needed. She turned his face to hers and kissed him like she'd never kissed anyone before. She let the heat and the wanting and the passion inside of her take full control; her confidence and her lack of inhibition surprised even herself, let alone Dean. She realised she'd never really given in to how she'd felt when she was like this, she was too afraid of judgement and was never really comfortable giving all of herself to any of the guys she'd been with. Dean was different; she knew there was nothing romantic going on which is what made her comfortable to give in to herself so completely. She gave as much instruction as she followed, which wasn't a lot; the two of them just seemed to know where to go and where to be, what to do and what not to do, when to give and when to take, they flowed together and everything just made sense in those few moments. 

Nearly two hours later, they lay side by side in the bed, naked, sweating and panting. Mel looked at Dean and laughed as she pushed her long brown hair out of her eyes.  
"What?" Dean laughed back,  
"Nothing, just...that was exactly what I needed," She smiled, "although looking at the time, I'm not sure it's going to help us sleep anymore,"  
"Well, if we get started a little earlier tonight, there should be time for sleep after," he winked at her,  
"Oh, you mean you're up for a round two?" Mel couldn't help feeling a little shocked, she figured he go all stonewall on her, totally regret it and refuse to ever talk about it again,  
"Well, you know, if it helps you sleep, I didn't exactly hate it..." He laughed as she shoved him playfully,  
"Ha! Well, maybe tonight we can go over what you didn't hate, and I'll throw in some new stuff you might kind of like..." Mel rolled on to her stomach, letting the bed sheets fall off her, she purposefully arched her back and lifted her bottom up watching Dean's eyes widen and then deepen with lust, just as he was about to make a move she rolled off the bed and walked towards the shower, giving him a teasing look,  
"I'm just gonna wash up, you might want to do the same, and then get back to your room before Sam wakes up," Mel gave him a wide grin, "Breakfast also wouldn't go a miss,"  
Dean groaned at her, "Lanie, being a tease is going to get you into trouble," he warned with a smile,  
"Oh I'm counting on it," She laughed at him as she bumped the door shut with her shoulder and clicked the lock shut.

Mel took a long shower, finally feeling some relief from her frustrations. She breathed in and out slowly, not sure how to react once she stepped out. Dean seemed to be fine, even a little more than fine so Mel figured she'd follow his lead and act completely normal. She got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her and walked back into the main room. She smiled at the empty room, pleased at the reaction she could get out of him. She dressed lazily, packed her stuff up and went to join the boys.

Mel knocked on the door and Sam opened it sleepily. She nodded a morning greeting and went to sit at the table with Dean, who had indeed gone and got breakfast; some bagels and a pie.  
"Well, we know who got breakfast this morning. Pie? Really?" Mel raised her eyebrows at him,  
"You don't like it, wake up and get your own breakfast next time," he bit back,  
"Okay, but it means you won't get pie," she replied,  
"Lanie, I always get my pie," he winked at her, and she groaned and rolled her eyes, "we good to go wheels up at eight?" Dean asked the room, Mel and Sam nodded at him. 

They picked up another case a little way out, checked into another motel and began the same routine again. Mel spent most of the day wondering if she'd imagined what happened between her and Dean but liking that nothing seemed to have changed. They all ended up back at the motel a lot earlier than the night before, shared a take away and then Mel split for the night, taking herself back to her room. She was just beginning to wonder if she had dreamt the night before when she heard a knock at the door, she grabbed her gun and opened it a crack. Dean was stood there, he gave her a wink and smirked. Mel rolled her eyes and let him in.  
"So, you still having trouble sleeping?" He winked at her again,  
"No actually, last night worked a treat," she couldn't help but snigger when his face fell, "Why? Did you need some help getting to sleep?"  
"Nah, I was just trying to be a good friend," he shrugged nonchalantly,  
"Okay then, well, if you ever need the favour repaid, let me know," Mel stepped backwards so he had a clear path to the door, Dean coughed and started towards it when Mel grabbed him, kissed him and pushed him towards the bed.  
"I thought you said..." Dean smiled,  
"Shut up Dean, let's play a different kind of chicken," she straddled him as he lay across the bed and wiggled her eyebrows at him,  
"Okay, but it has to be played alongside 'who can keep the quietest' cause Sam's still awake next door," he pulled Mel down to kiss her and she let him,  
"Well, why didn't you wait for him to fall asleep? And how did you leave? What did you tell him?" Mel nibbled on his ear and he tried to stifle a groan,  
"I couldn't wait that long, I told him I was going out for a drink," Dean breathed out a wobbly breath as Mel ran her fingers down the sides of his torso and grabbed at his belt, "Lanie, um...we have to be real quiet," he was starting to lose it a bit,  
"I know, I promise to be as quiet as a mouse, but I can't promise I'll help you to be," it was Mel's turn to give him a wicked grin; Dean sat up and took her hands in his, looking dead into her eyes "I'm serious Lanie, please tell me this means the same to you as it does to me?"  
"Oh for heaven's Dean, I'm just having some fun, don't panic, Sam isn't going to find out, no one it, you really think I want people making a big deal out of this? We're just scratching each other's itches, they just happen to be in very private places," she chuckled and crushed her mouth onto Dean's before he had chance to respond, immediately they were all over each other and back to 'helping each other sleep' just like the night before.


	3. The Wrong Tree

"Where are we taking him?" Dean asked as he moved past Mel,  
"This way," Mel hurried in front of them, down the small hallway and in to the left, as the boys followed she gestured to a large dining table at the back of the room. Mel opened a draw and threw a huge white sheet across it just before Dean and his friend placed Sam on it. She opened a cupboard door and pulled out a medical trolley, shoved on a white coat and started pulling gloves on over her hands. She shone a light in both Sam's eyes and quickly took his pulse then began examining him for wounds, "you need to tell me exactly what happened," she looked calmly and seriously at Dean,  
"We were on a hunt, vampires, one of them got the jump on Sam while I was in the back with a few more, I came into him lying on the floor, blood everywhere, said he got stabbed," Dean never took his eyes off Sam, he was pale and a wreck, "I should have been there, we should never have split up,"  
"Dean, I'm gonna try my best, but he's in a really bad way," she looked at him, her heart heavy and breaking,  
"Please Lanie, please...you gotta save him," Dean let a tear slide down his face as he met her eyes, he felt hollow and sick inside,  
"I promise I'll do my best," she said, she turned to the man still stood next to Sam, "who are you?"  
"I am Castiel, I am an Angel of the Lord..." He started,  
"Nice, well Cas, gear up," she interrupted him and threw him a pair of gloves and a coat,  
"What?" Castiel barely caught them, "I cannot help you, I have never been to medical school,"  
"Are you serious?" Mel turned to Dean, "Is he serious?!"  
"He's always serious," Dean sighed, "What about me? Where's my coat and gloves?"  
"Oh, you're not helping, you're going into the kitchen and staying in there," Mel turned back to Castiel, "I just need an assistant, you don't need training, I'll only be asking you to hold things and pass stuff," she gestured to him to put the coat on before turning to Dean again, "Sam's lost a lot of blood, but he's lucky; the weapon missed his major organs but he did nick an artery which needs patching up to stop his bleeding, I can't focus properly and do my best with you in this room, you want me to save your brother? You need to leave," Mel looked at him pointedly,  
"You want me to leave Sam in this state because a little while back you had a thing for me?" Dean glared at her and raised his voice more than he meant to,  
"That is not the reason why and you know it," Mel walked around the table, grabbed a pair of scissors from the trolley and started carefully cutting off Sam's clothing whilst yelling at Dean, "I can't focus because you're too upset, you think it's your fault he's in this way and you will do anything to save him because he's Sam, it's not us that would get to me Dean, give me some credit! It's you! It's too much pressure, because if I can't save him, I get to blame myself not only for failing him but for failing you..."  
"Mommy?" a little voice from the door floated up between everyone,  
Mel avoided Dean's sudden shocked gaze and looked straight at her daughter, "Hey sweetie, you okay?"  
The little girl nodded, her long brown hair bobbing around her face. She looked around the room, rubbing her eyes and studying the scene, "are you okay mommy? Do you need help?"  
"Not this time chick, but you can take Dean to the kitchen and show him where he can make a drink?" She asked, and her little girl nodded, walking forward and taking Dean's hand. She pulled him with her towards the door and Dean found himself following without much fight. The shock of Sam and then the sudden revelation that Lanie had a family was just enough to send him over the edge, he didn't have the energy to argue anymore. He looked back briefly to see a small tear fall from her eye, before she turned back to Sam and started giving Cas orders. 

Dean followed Lanie's daughter to the kitchen, still holding her hand while she showed him where everything was. Dean made himself coffee and got the little girl a milkshake, he also found a packet of biscuits which he opened and put between them on the island counter. He helped her up onto one of the bar stools around it and then hopped on one himself.  
"So, you're mom help people a lot?"  
"Yeah," the girl nodded and took a biscuit,  
"And you help her out like Cas is doing now?"  
"Yeah," she nodded again,  
"What does your dad think about it all then?" He frowned at her,  
"What does your dad think about what you do?" She retaliated,  
"Ha! Good answer," Dean couldn't help but smile, he shook his head and took a biscuit too, "How old are you kid?"  
She gave him a long serious look from beneath her hair before answering, "I'm six,"  
"Ah, your mom moves fast," he said more to himself than her, "sorry," he coughed as he saw her looking at him reprovingly,  
"How do you know my mom?" She took another biscuit,  
"Well, that's a long story," Dean smiled and took a drink from his coffee as he thought back...

Six years and ten months ago...

"I don't know where he is, I can't find him!" Dean was pacing the motel room yelling at someone down the phone, "Just let me know if you see him," he closed his phone and threw it across the room,  
"Dean!" Mel dodged it as she came out of the bathroom,  
"Sorry," he barely looked up at her,  
"Dean," she came over to him and put her hand on his shoulders, "Dean, Sam will come back when he's ready,"  
"But what if something happened to him? What if he's in trouble?" Dean moved her gently out of the way and began pacing again,  
"Then we'll find him, Dean; you've called everyone, we'll catch a break soon, short of aimlessly driving around the continent there's not much more we can do," Mel sighed, "we're just gonna have to wait it out,"  
"What? You're not gonna tell me I have to relax, try and get some sleep, eat something," Dean goaded her, Mel did not take the bait,  
"Seriously?" She gave him a deadpan look, "I know you Dean,"  
Dean looked right back at her, and scared himself. She did know him, every part of him, she knew he was gunning for a fight because he was so worked up, she knew what calmed him down, she knew when to tear him a new one and when to let him go. Other than Sam, she knew him better than anybody, and other than Sam he was more himself round her than anyone too, actually sometimes more than Sam. 

Dean crossed the room to Mel, he gently pushed her up against the wall and took her head in his hands. He kissed her and for the first time ever he let himself feel more than what was physical, he took his left hand away and moved it to her stomach, feeling his way up her t-shirt. Mel stopped his hand before it got too high, she pulled away from his kiss and looked at him, "Dean, I can't...not like this, not with you so..."  
"I know what I'm doing," he looked at her pleadingly, "Please Lanie, I need..." Mel cut him off with a kiss, he knew she was too afraid to hear him say it was her he needed. Hell, he was too afraid to hear him say it. But he needed this, he needed her, so he let himself go and let himself feel. He kissed her again and again, he couldn't get her clothes off fast enough, nor her his.

He moved them to the bed and this time it wasn't hard and fast, it wasn't them having fun or having a laugh, trying not to get caught at the same time; it was just her and him in that one perfect moment. It was something they'd never felt before, ever. They wound around each other, they fit together so perfectly, every movement was slow and purposeful, every kiss, every touch. For the first time in a long time Dean felt like there might be more to this life, like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. When they'd finished, they stayed cuddled up and fell asleep that way - something neither one of them had done in years.

They were woken by the sound of Dean's phone from across the room. He shot out of bed to grab it, it was Ellen and they had a location on Sam. Mel jumped to her feet and started pulling on her clothes, throwing all their stuff into the few bags they had with them. They left the motel behind far too quickly, neither of them mentioned it and the longer it went the harder it was to talk about it. Dean thought back to the only other time after that, that they'd been together and it happened in much the same way. He thought she felt it too, he thought they could make something of it, he'd pretty much geared himself up for having a conversation about it when she bottled it and just left. He might even have still believed she loved him if she'd talked to him, but the first he knew about it, she was already leaving.

Dean coughed, bringing himself back to the present day and into Lanie's kitchen, sat next to her daughter.  
"So, what's your name kid?" He asked,  
"Samantha,"  
"Samantha?" Dean nodded, "Nice...so...when does your dad get home?"  
"He doesn't," she replied carefully,  
"What do you mean he doesn't," Dean frowned,  
"He doesn't live here,"  
"Oh, so you're like part-time here and part-time at your dads?" Dean wasn't proud of himself, fishing for information from a six year old, but he couldn't help it,  
"No, I don't see him,"  
"So he's not around?"  
"No," Samantha just stared at the counter,  
"What? Is he like some deadbeat dad or something? Did he hurt your mom?" Dean was a little scared of the answer to that,  
"No,"  
"No?" Dean frowned at her, "you aren't exactly chatty for a six year old,"  
"I'm not supposed to talk about my daddy with strangers,"  
"Okay," Dean shrugged and let it go, he wasn't going to push the subject with the kid, if she didn't want to talk he couldn't make her,  
Samantha gave him another glance from under her hair, "but you're the only stranger mom's ever left me alone with," she frowned and carried on, "he's like you guys, he fights monsters and horrible things to keep me and my mom safe,"  
"What? He's a hunter?" Dean just blinked at her, it felt like she'd just hit him in the chest with a sledgehammer,  
"Yeah, but he doesn't know about me,"  
"Huh? What do you mean he doesn't know about you?" Dean was feeling a little sick now too,  
"Mommy never told him she had me, she says that even though he doesn't know about me he loves me more than anything anyway cause he's my daddy so he has all his love for me he just doesn't know about it, like he doesn't know about me," Samantha kept talking, once she started she wouldn't stop, but Dean had zoned out, his mind was reeling and he didn't know what to think, until Samantha concluded with "but that's where mommy got my name from,"  
"Huh? Your name?" Dean frowned at her,  
"Yeah, Samantha Mary Jessica Reynolds," Samantha beamed at him "Mommy calls me Sammy for short,"  
"Sammy, can you just give me a minute," he forced a smile and went back into the main room where Mel and Cas were still working on Sam.

"Hey," Dean was so angered he had trouble squeezing the words out, "Is she Sam's?"  
"What?!" Mel didn't even turned around, "When I'm finished fixing up Sam, I'm gonna hit you so hard..."  
"So she's not Sam's then,"  
"No, she's not,"  
"But..." Dean was confused,  
Mel sighed, "Dean, go back into the kitchen and stay there, while you're in there, try taking a good look at Sammy and see if you can figure out what you got wrong,"  
"But..."  
"Go," Mel waved him off, "I'll give you a proper explanation that won't ever be good enough when I'm done here," she mumbled to herself,


	4. Mirror Eyes

Dean walked back into the kitchen and sat back on the bar stool, he eyed Lanie's kid with suspicion.  
"You okay?" She asked, taking yet another biscuit,  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just...I thought I might know your dad," he shrugged,  
"Did you tell my mom?!" Sammy started panicking,  
"Not enough to get you in trouble, I'll cover for you, don't sweat it," he gave her a small smile,  
"I thought you said you knew my mom?" She grimaced,  
Dean laughed and nodded his head, and for the first time that evening Sammy lifted her head, swept her hair out of her eyes and looked straight at him, chuckling along with him. Dean's smile faltered and his blood ran cold as he took in her all too familiar bright green eyes, it was like looking in a mirror. 

Dean coughed and got back up from his seat. He paced up and down the kitchen trying to think. This couldn't be what Lanie meant, could it? She would never have left to have his kid without telling him?! But all the signs were there, hell he'd only have needed to see her eyes to know. He felt his whole being rocked to his core, he couldn't understand what was happening, couldn't understand why Lanie never said anything; he had a kid?! How?! Well, he knew _how_. He couldn't believe it'd taken him this long to figure it out, Lanie had left about seven years ago, what in heaven's name made him think she could've been Sam's? But he thought Lanie would have said, and Sam seemed almost relieved when he'd told him nothing happened between them...

Six years and eight months ago...

Dean slammed the door of the impala shut, Sam climbed in and shut his door. Dean turned the engine on and swung out of the motel car park.  
"What was that?" Sam asked,  
"What was what?" Dean played dumb,  
"See you round _Mel?_ " Sam pushed, "you've never called her Mel, what's going on?"  
"Nothing, nothing's going on," Dean sighed, "I'm just pissed that she's left without talking to us, I kinda liked having her around and you know...I just thought..."  
"You thought what Dean?"  
"That we'd all got close enough to talk about stuff,"  
"You wanted to talk?" Sam look at him incredulously,  
"No, I wanted her to talk to us, there's a difference," Dean huffed,  
"No, there's not," Sam said sternly, "you want people to open up and talk to you, but you don't want to do the same! I'm sorry but it doesn't work like that Dean,"  
"Yeah, I know," Dean sighed, "I just wish it did," he chuckled but Sam didn't find it funny,  
"So...uh...nothing was going on with you and Mel then?" Sam asked again, he looked a little nervous,  
"No, why?"  
"No reason, I just..." Sam looked out the window, "Dean, promise me nothing was going on," Sam looked a little sick,  
"Nothing was going on," Dean almost yelled, "why?"  
"Because I'd hate to see you drive away from something like that, you and Mel, you'd have had something if something was going on," Sam said,  
"What are you on about?" Dean frowned at him, "Nothing happened Sam, I'm just getting fed up of people leaving like its nothing," he said without thinking,  
"Dean," Sam turned to his brother, his relief apparent, "I..."  
"Don't Sam, just...leave it," Dean shook his head, "just be happy that I shared at all," he gave a sad smile and the two of them sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

Dean instinctively walked over to the fridge and looked for beer. There were a couple bottles at the very back which Dean opened and as the cool liquid slid down his throat, he felt himself relax slightly. Maybe Sam knew something, maybe that's why he was so jumpy. He finished the beer off and put the bottle in the sink. He couldn't help but feel angry; how could Lanie keep a secret like this? It wasn't fair on anyone, why would she think it was a good idea? The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He stormed out of the kitchen and into the other room.  
"She's mine?!" Dean growled at Lanie,  
"Yes, she is," Mel quashed any doubt left, "please, just go and sit in the kitchen, I'm nearly done here, I'll talk to you properly after,"  
"I don't...but... _talk?!_ " Dean could barely get the words out,  
"Dean please,"  
"Does she know it's me?"  
"No, she knows her dad's last name is Winchester but I never told her your name,"  
"Can...can I tell her?" Dean felt himself shaking a little, and this time it wasn't from anger,  
Mel couldn't help turning to look at him, she nodded, "yeah," she said quietly and then turned back to Sam.

Dean walked back into the kitchen and looked at his daughter, _his_ daughter! She was playing with her milkshake and was about to take another biscuit from the packet.  
"I think you've had enough of them," he amazed himself at how easy it was to just be her dad; with Ben he'd always been a little bit careful, he'd seen him as his own and treated him that way but he always knew he wasn't, that when it came down to it Lisa had the say, he was her son. Sure, if he'd stuck it out and stayed it would've changed, but he hadn't. With Sammy, he and a claim, he was her father and even though he hadn't been around up till now, that wasn't his choice. He had a right to raise her his way too, he wanted to be a part of her life, to be there and protect her, to mould her and help her grow. She was a part of him, and damn it if Lanie was right, but he did have all of that love for her, he just hadn't known it till now.

"But...you can't tell me what to do!" Sammy huffed at him,  
"You ever had anyone but your mom tell you what to do?" Dean asked, curious to see if someone had taken his place, just like he'd done for Ben,  
"A couple guys tried," Sammy looked at him pointedly, "Why? Did you wanna try? Be my daddy? Make my mommy happy?"  
"So you've had wanna-be-dads?" Dean said, "I'm guessing you made their lives hell behind your mom's back, huh?"  
Sammy was silent and looked down at her hands, making her answer obvious, "how did you know?" She asked in a small voice,  
"Cause it's exactly what I'd've done," he chuckled more to himself than her, but it elicited at smile from her nonetheless. Dean couldn't believe how happy it made him to see her smile, to see her beautiful eyes light up and the dimples in her rosy cheeks; he loved her like no one else and he couldn't even begin to understand it, the most alarming part to him was that for the first time in his life, loving someone like this and loving her this much...it didn't terrify him, it didn't even seem to phase him. He just hated that he was some non-existent, pedal-stool father; how was he ever going to live up to her expectations of him? The more he thought about it, the less he wanted to tell her, he couldn't shatter her dreams like that, he couldn't disappoint her ideals. He bet Lanie didn't think of that when she dreamt up a perfect version of him, trying to do the right thing and probably lessen the guilt along the way.

"Do you wanna play a game?" Sammy asked him hopefully,  
"What kind of game?" Dean asked,  
"There's a pack of cards in the draw, sometimes mommy asks me to play games with the friends of the people she helps, so they're not in the way," Sammy jumped down from her stool and went to fetch them, she raced back to Dean and lifted her arms up for him to put her back on her stool,  
"Huh, okay, what do you normally play?" He asked amused,  
"Normally? I play Texas Hold'em with match sticks as chips, it takes their mind off what mom's doing, cause I'm really good and it really throws them," she smiled, "they don't like losing to a little girl so I have to let them start winning in the end, it makes them feel better too,"  
"Wow, okay, well where are the matchsticks?"  
"In the same draw," Sammy jumped down again before Dean could move,  
"So, whose dealing first?" He said as he lifted her back up,  
"Ladies first," she winked at him, and he laughed, divvying up the matchsticks between them,  
"Ok, so deal them," he watched as she flawlessly shuffled and dealt the cards, "hey," Sammy yelled as he went to look at his hand, "big blind first," she frowned,  
"Okay okay, I'm sorry," Dean held his hands up in surrender then put two sticks in between him and Sammy, "I figured we'd pass that bit seen as its only two of us,"  
"We play properly or not at all," Sammy glared at him, Dean couldn't help but giggle, something he never ever did, but her little scrunched up face and serious eyes looking up at him were just too much.  
"You look just like your mom when you do that,"  
"I know," she sighed, "are you in or out?" She nodded at the cards,  
"In," Dean said as he saw an ace and a nine of hearts in his hand, he added another stick to the pile,  
"In," Sammy saw him and then drew three cards; a king of hearts, a two of spades and a nine of diamonds,  
"In," Dean remained as serious as her and dropped another matchstick on the pile,  
"In," she said and did the same, then drew another card, this one was a jack of clubs,  
"In," Dean repeated what he did last time, and Sammy followed suit, then drew the last card, another nine, this one of spades,  
"In," Dean did the same again,  
"In, and I raise you two," Sammy didn't even flinch,  
"Okay, I see your two and raise you another two," Dean threw four matchsticks onto the pile,  
"I see you," Sammy matched his bet and looked at him expectantly,  
"Sorry kid, three-of-a-kind," Dean spread his cards across the counter,  
"Sorry kid, straight," Sammy giggled at Dean's open mouth, looking at her queen of diamonds and ten of clubs and back to the house cards,  
"Okay, so you can play poker," Dean drew in a long breath, "I bet you another biscuit, that you can't beat me," he said,  
"You're on," Sammy grinned,  
"My turn to deal," Dean took the cards, shuffled and dealt again, play resumed and followed the same pattern. Dean didn't hold back, he could already tell she'd rather lose trying than win because he let her, as it happened they were pretty much like for like the whole time, winning and losing as much as the other. After a few games they both relaxed a little and started chatting. Dean asked her about school and she told him all about her friends and her teacher, she asked about his family and he was honest with her, even though it made her sad for him; they talked about the neighbours and the street, about what it was like living there, they talked a lot. 

Dean couldn't find the right moment to tell her who he really was, and he was enjoying learning all about her life and who she was too much to ruin it with that revelation.  
"So, yeah, I like it here a lot, besides, we can't really move anywhere else anyway," Sammy shrugged,  
"Why not?" Dean asked,  
"Because of all the people mommy helps, they all know she's here, and you can't just ring them up and tell them we moved," Sammy explained,  
"Yeah but there are ways," Dean said, "there are ways to get messages to people and to communicate, it's not that hard if you know the right people and you know how to find them, why'd you wanna move anyway?" He could feel like there was something behind her 'life is so good' facade,  
"I don't, I love it here," Sammy smiled again,  
"Sammy?"  
"What?"  
"I know you're not fine," Dean put his cards down and looked into the innocent eyes of his daughter, damn if she didn't know how to be convincing, "I know you're not, because I'm not, I haven't been in a long time but I smile like you do cause I'm kinda hoping the more I smile the less I have to talk about it, and less I have to talk about it the faster it'll disappear, but that's not how it works," he smiled sadly at her,  
"It won't disappear until you've talked about it, and sometimes even then it sticks around,"  
"You don't talk about it?" Sammy asked,  
"No, I don't talk about it," Dean sighed,  
"Then why should I?"  
"Because in thirty years do you still wanna be covering everything up with a fake smile or do you wanna real one?" He said, still looking at her,  
After a small silence Sammy started in a small voice "There's this girl, at school, and she lives on this street too, she's not very nice, she calls me names and she says mean things about my mommy," Sammy looked at him with tears in her eyes,  
"Does your mom know any of this?" Dean could feel his heart breaking like never before,  
"Some of it, she knows about the girl calling me names, she says I should just ignore it, that she's not worth it," Sammy let a tear slide down her cheek, and without thinking about it Dean scooped her up in his arms and put her on his lap, she curled into his chest and carried on, "I think they've seen all the people mommy helps, but they don't know that she's helping them, they just see strange men and women turning up late all the time, but it doesn't matter to them, they don't care about the truth they just care about what they can see," she was getting worked up,  
"Hey, hey," Dean wrapped an arm even tighter around her and brushed her hair out of her eyes with the other, "you know..." he said "it doesn't matter what others think, you know the truth, you know what she's doing is amazing, it's like a super secret mission that no one can know about, and sometimes when we're on a super secret mission it's like being undercover, we kind of have to take the flack that goes with it, it's sucks but there's not much else we can do,"  
"We could move," Sammy said,  
"Bird, that's not moving, that's running away," Dean stroked her hair,  
"We could tell them the truth," Sammy sobbed,  
"They'll believe that even less, most people won't believe that there are monsters out there even when they've come face to face with them," Dean held her tighter again, he wanted to make everything better but he couldn't and he felt so helpless, "they'll see the truth in the end, it just probably won't be anytime soon,"  
"I know, I just don't like it," Sammy gave a big sigh, sat up on Dean's lap and wiped her eyes,  
"Ain't that the truth," he laughed,  
"What's your story then?" Sammy asked,  
"A long one," Dean sighed,  
"Is it as bad as mine,"  
"Oh, it's much worse," Dean said, "I actually deserve what I get,"  
"Maybe I do to," Sammy shrugged,  
"Don't you ever believe that," Dean said fiercely, "you are stronger than all the girls out there that torment you, you're stronger than a lot of people I know! You think most people can see what you and your mom see all the time and still carry on like you do? Or get no real thanks but still do it anyway? The people you save, save other people, which means that you save a lot of people, don't ever forget that, especially when people like that are trying to bring you down," Sammy smiled at him and put her head back on her chest, he wrapped her up again and said without thinking, "besides, you're a Winchester, it'll take a lot more than that to break you,"  
Sammy shot up and looked at him with wide eyes, "How'd you know that?"  
"Uh...well...turns out I do know your dad," Dean cleared his throat, "I know him better than anyone," he found the words sticking in his throat, and just before he could say them Lanie walked through the door.


	5. Silver linings

"Hey guys," Mel looked from Dean to Sammy and frowned, "what's up?"  
"He knows my daddy, better than anyone," Sammy looked at her mom,   
"Yes, he does," Mel smiled at her daughter, "and tomorrow you can talk all about it but it's late, and you need to go to bed,"  
"I'll take her up," Dean said,   
"Thank you," Mel sighed exhausted, "night chick," she bent to give her daughter a kiss whilst she was still snuggled into Dean's chest, the smell of him hadn't changed and her tears caught in her throat. She turned to put some coffee on as he carried her up the stairs, she could hear Sammy yawning as they went. 

Mel let out a big shakey breath and blinked back her tears. This was the day she'd been praying to avoid, selfishly she knew, but still, she'd tried to do what was best. How was she going to explain this one? Any answer or reason she gave for doing what she did was never going to be good enough, she knew that, she was just hoping that he might not hate her at the end of it. She thought back to the last time they'd been alone together, the last time she actually thought they stood a chance...

Six years and nine months ago...

Mel hadn't even looked at the boys before walking into her motel room. It had been a bad one. They'd lost someone, someone she knew and someone she'd been close to. Mel had met another fellow hunter about three months ago, she'd really hit it off with her. They'd stumbled across the same haunted house, so her and the Winchesters decided to take it on together. It wasn't a bad call either because there was more than one spirit, so the extra pair of hands became particularly helpful when it came to discovering the extra spirits. 

Between the four of them the job was a breeze and they'd celebrated afterwards with a drink at the bar. Mel and Tara became firm friends after that; they called and text each other all the time, they tried to meet up as much as possible. They were around the same age and it made them feel less like freaks and more like normal people. They had the same twisted sense of humour, and the same fight for survival. Tara had become a hunter a lot younger than Mel, her family had been destroyed by vampires and she's never been able to just let it go. The vamps that did it were dead but Tara couldn't give up the life, she said it made her feel like there was a purpose to what happened to her, like she had a reason to keep going despite wanting to stop. Mel understood, she could see that was what drove Dean and Sam. Mel hadn't lost herself in the life yet, she didn't want to stay forever but right now is where she needed to be, and where she wanted to be. She believed Tara would find a reason to leave eventually, she'd find something to replace that empty feeling she had that hunting seemed to help her forget, and she told Tara that often. 

Tara called the day before, she wanted help on a case. Shape shifter, or so she thought. Mel and the boys got to her pretty quick, and she was right, it was a shape shifter. But there was a whole lot more than one. The four of them managed to kill them all, there were six altogether, but not before one of them stabbed Tara straight in the gut, it twisted the knife and stabbed her again. Mel cried out and ran to her, Dean and Sam dealt with the shifter. She held her as she faded away, stroked her hair as she took her last breath. She watched on as the boys gave her a hunters funeral, in total shock. She climbed back into the impala covered in Tara's blood and sat in silence the whole way back to the motel. 

Mel sat in the shower fully clothed sobbing her heart out. She ignored Dean and then Sam banging on the door to her room, she ignored her phone ringing off the hook, her head pounded and her heart broke. At some point she heard movement but just buried her head in her knees, still sitting in the shower. The next minute Dean was sat in front of her, pushing her wet hair out of her face.  
"Oh bird," his eyes filled with tears, "Lanie I'm so sorry," Dean climbed in beside her and sat in the shower, just holding her and being there for her.

After a little while had passed he tried to coax Mel out of the shower, he helped her undress and dried her off, drying himself off in the process too. He lay her down in her bed and went to leave.  
"Dean?" Mel called before he reached the door,  
"What's up bird," Dean came back,  
"Stay with me?" Mel asked,   
"Lanie..." Dean wasn't sure it was a good idea,   
"Please Dean," Mel looked at him pleadingly, "I know what I'm doing," she gave a half smile, "I need..." Dean kissed her, lightly and gently. He let his thumb rub against her temple as he pulled away.   
"Sure thing," he pulled the covers back and climbed into bed with her, she wrapped herself into him and fell asleep almost instantly. The rhythm of his heart helped hers calm, and the feel of his chest rising and falling helped her find peace enough to sleep. Dean found himself just as exhausted by the day's events, but just as content to fall asleep with her.

They woke the next morning, still intertwined. Dean yawned and saw Mel snuggled into him, he pulled her in tighter and smiled at the lightness of his heart, despite yesterday's horrific events. Mel stirred and looked up at him sleepily. She smiled and kissed his chin.   
"Thank you," she nuzzled his chest with her nose,  
"For what?"  
"For staying," she said,  
Dean nodded, "anytime,"  
Mel smiled up at him again, she couldn't believe that through all her sadness and loss she could feel this peaceful and maybe even happy. Dean was something, he was someone to her. She couldn't put her finger on it but it was like nothing she'd ever felt before, it was like she'd found what she'd been looking for, Dean felt like home.

Without thinking about it she moved up and kissed him; she couldn't contain how she felt, she poured it into her kiss and she was so sure she'd felt it back. She felt the heat between them rise, she felt her heart yearning for more, wanting to feel more and show him how she really felt. Mel kissed him again, deeply, she moved herself and sat across him. She could feel his body physically reacting to hers, could feel his wanting, his desires and what she hoped was so much more. Dean took her hands in his and looked up at her, "Lanie, I don't know if this is the right time..." He looked at her seriously, not with pity or with sadness, just knowing and experience,   
"Neither do I, but I know what I'm doing and I know what I want, so...I get it if you feel you're taking advantage or I'm too vulnerable right now, but that's not where I'm at," she looked at him with shining eyes, eyes filled with so many emotions, emotions she could feel because of him. Dean put his hand on the small of her back and gently guided her face down to his, he kissed her gently, felt the warmth and wet of her lips against his, but most of all he felt something beyond the touch, beyond being two separate people. Dean knew Mel inside out, he was the only person she'd never lied to, the only person she'd let see all of her, he knew she meant what she said, and she was woman enough for him to respect that. 

Mel kissed Dean again, she let her body relax into his, let her heart take over and the physical just followed. She had no idea she could ever feel this way, the last time they'd been together, it was almost like this, she'd felt something like never before, but she'd still been holding back. She'd never let Dean finish his sentence, she still hadn't, she wasn't sure if it was the sex or her he needed that night. But now she didn't care, she knew how she felt, she knew she wanted to show him that, even if at the end of it he didn't feel the same way; she'd have always regretted never giving all of herself to him. They moved together like last time, but this time Mel felt her heart burning for him, her soul touching his; in that one final moment of euphoria she felt complete, being so completely melded with him, it was like they were always meant to be as one. 

Looking back, it made Mel smile. Other than having Sammy and all the moments she had with her, it was the happiest single moment she could remember. She sighed heavily and felt the tears spring to her eyes, she blinked them back quickly and sat down at the island to wait for Dean. She had no right to feel sorry for herself or get emotional, or make excuses either. She had to give him an explanation as to why she ran away, pregnant with his kid, and never told him about it; simple. How do you explain that without sounding like you're just making excuses?


	6. Revelations

Dean held Sammy tight as he walked up the stairs with her. She pointed to her bedroom and said he could wait in there whilst she went to the bathroom. Dean looked around the room, he smiled at the pictures of Lanie with Sammy despite himself. He took in all the things around him, the pattern on the walls, the pictures on the bedspread, the teddies she had crammed in every corner. He felt himself choke up a little at the sight of a small angel statue on top a shelf. 

Sammy came bounding in a few minutes later, she had hold an envelope.   
"Um...do you think you could give this to my daddy?" She asked,  
"Sure thing," Dean took it from her and tucked it into his pocket, Sammy climbed into bed smiling, she gave him a big hug before lying down and snuggling in as Dean tucked her up.  
"Night Sammy, see you tomorrow,"  
"You promise you'll still be here?" She asked with wide eyes,  
"I promise," he smiled and kissed her forehead then turned off the light.   
Dean left quietly and shut the door to, he stayed for a few minutes just looking at her, the perfect little girl that was his. 

Back downstairs he found Lanie sat at the island drinking coffee. He watched her for a few minutes from the doorway, looking at her pale face and taking in her hunched over body; she was exhausted, and while he knew he should be angry all he felt was concern, she had just saved his brother's life after all. Maybe they could talk in the morning.   
"Lanie..." Dean walked into the kitchen,  
"Hey, there's coffee in the pot if you want some,"  
"We don't have to do this now, we can talk in the morning,"  
"I'd rather do it now, if that's ok,"  
"Yeah, okay," Dean made a coffee and came and sat adjacent to her at the island,  
"You didn't tell her it was you, did you?" She asked,  
"No, I didn't get round to it," Dean shook his head. 

Mel fiddled with her hands, she drew in a deep breath and looked up at Dean. His eyes really were like mirror images of Sammy's, except right now they were cold and hard instead of warm and loving like hers.  
"Dean..." Mel struggled, "I..."  
"Don't even try to say you're sorry," he stopped her, "I don't want to hear sorry, I want you to explain why," he shook his head, "why Lanie? Why'd you run away?"  
"I couldn't do it, I couldn't have a baby and still be a hunter," she said,  
"That I get," Dean said, "but I had a right to know,"   
Mel looked at him. He did have a right to know, and all the reasons for not telling him just didn't seem justifiable anymore, they all sounded like excuses. She looked back at her hands.  
"Yes you did, I know that, I knew that back then, I just...I was scared," Mel said in a quiet voice,  
"So why not pick up the phone, call, get a message to me? You talked to Sam for ages after you left, why not me?!" Dean started getting angry, "why was it that hard?!"  
"Because I didn't think you'd want to talk, and because you knew me too well, you'd have known something was up!" Mel shot back, "I was shocked you actually just let me leave,"  
"Well, I wasn't going to make you stay, you seemed pretty certain you were going," Dean barked,  
"You could have left with me," Mel pointed out,  
"And leave Sam on his own to hunt the demon, after all that'd happened and everything dad told us?! You had a reason to leave, you knew about Sammy, I didn't, maybe if you'd told me...maybe if you'd given me a reason to..." Dean stopped short as he saw tears falling down her face,  
"I thought I might have been a good reason," she said, and there it was, the thing she hadn't even admitted to herself, "I didn't want you to leave Sam, and the life, and everything you'd ever known to come and raise a kid with me, if I wasn't enough without her," Mel shrugged and gave a tear-filled chuckle,  
"Lanie...I..." Dean didn't know what to say,   
"Don't, it's fine, I get it, but it doesn't excuse the fact that I didn't tell you, that I kept her from you, and I'm sorry," Mel wiped her eyes and looked back up at him, "I just couldn't make you choose between her and Sam,"  
"There wouldn't have been a choice," Dean said without hesitation,  
"I know that now, but back then I didn't know what it was like to love your own child, I didn't realise how powerful it was,"   
"Why didn't you ever say something? It's been six years!" Dean looked at her, wanting answers,  
"The longer it went, the harder it was, and I wasn't sure you could ever really leave hunting behind, it's in your blood,"  
"But so is she," Dean sighed, "I did leave it, once, I lived with another woman and her son, for a whole year,"  
"I know," Mel said in a small voice,  
"You know?!"  
"I help a lot of hunters, you're kind of famous amongst them, they talk, Dean Winchester getting out of the game was a massive deal,"  
"If you knew..." Dean was struggling to stay calm, "why did you never come and find me? I played husband and father in someone else's family when I could have been here with you!"   
"I did come and find you, Sam knocked first, and you left with him," Mel took a stuttery breath,  
"What's that got to do with anything, you said you didn't think I could ever leave it behind! I had! That was proof enough, at least it should have been!" Dean jumped up from his seat, he was so angry; he felt hurt and betrayed, he could have made something of this, they could have had a life together, if she'd have only believed in him. That's what hurt the most, out of everyone he never expected her to have so little faith in him. Dean came back the island and bent down to look Mel is the eyes, "did it ever occur to you, that if I'd been with you, I'd've stayed when Sam knocked,"   
Mel took a deep breath in, the seriousness of his look and the tone of voice illustrated that he wasn't just theorising. Dean would have stayed if it'd been her and Sammy. He picked his coffee up and walked into the lounge to find Sam and Cas. 

Mel slumped over on the kitchen island, sobs racking her body. She let herself feel everything she'd tried to refrain since he walked through the door. She peeled herself off the counter and with a heavy heart made her way to bed. Her clothes were blood spattered and her hair was still stuck to her face, but she didn't care. She stripped off and slid into bed, trying desperately to fall asleep and forget the evenings events.


	7. A letter

Dean walked back in the lounge. Lanie and Cas had moved Sam to the couch after patching him up. Cas was sat on the armchair beside him. He looked up and nodded to Dean as he walked over and sat on the couch opposite.  
"I think he's going to live," Cas said,  
"Good," Dean was still in shock from the all the events of the evening,  
"How are you Dean?"  
"Me? I'm fine," Dean sat down and felt the envelope in his pocket, he took it out and flipped it over in his hands,  
"You just discovered you have a daughter, are you sure 'fine' is the right word?"  
"Yes Cas, fine is fine," Dean ripped into the envelope, expecting some sort of picture, or little letter written from Sammy to her daddy, but what he found was a long, hand written letter from Lanie. He started reading it...

_Dean,_

_I'm sorry. If you're reading this then something happened to me and I'm gone, for good. There's something I should have told you a long time ago, you have a daughter. Her name is Samantha. She's the reason I ran away that day, I only found out the night before but I couldn't stay, the longer I stayed the harder it would have been to leave in the end._

_I'm sorry I didn't tell you, this definitely won't make up for it, I know that. Anything I write is never going to be good enough, and every explanation is going to sound like an excuse. Samantha is yours Dean, I promise you that, and I've left you as her legal guardian. It won't make any sense, that I kept her from you all these years and now I want you to take care of her, but I couldn't leave her to anyone else, no one else will love her like you do._

_Samantha knows what you do, she knows why you haven't been around and she knows that you had no idea she even existed; she knows that was my choice and depending on how old she is, I'm pretty sure she's told me by now how unfair that is. And it was unfair but I had many reasons. Samantha knows you're a hunter and she knows what that means, I told her that you can't come home because you're protecting us, but you love her with all your heart, you just don't know it yet. And you do Dean, believe that, you've got all that love for her, I know it._

_I need you to know; I didn't run because I didn't love you, or because I didn't want us to be a family. I love you so much it hurts, and leaving you was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life. I left because I love you too much to watch you tie yourself up in knots trying to do the right thing, because I couldn't bare to watch you hate yourself for having to leave us and go save someone or leave Sam all alone. If yellow eyes had already died it might've been different, and I thought about finding you once I learnt of his death but by then your stupid ass was already signed over to Hell! I was so mad at you for that, but it made me so much more sure how amazing you'd be as a father._

_I know you Dean, and I know you'll be thinking that I was afraid you'd turn into your dad, or that I didn't believe you would stay with us, or that I was thinking you'd always choose Sam but you need to know that none of that is true. I knew you'd never turn into your dad, I always believed you'd stay with us, I never had any doubt, and I know that between Samantha and Sam, there wouldn't be a choice...I believed all these things Dean, I just knew you wouldn't. I knew you'd be terrified of becoming your dad and I knew you'd always be doubting yourself whether you'd be able to stay, whether you should stay or if we'd be safer without you. Dean I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't watch you tear your self up like that. And if I wasn't enough without Samantha, I had no chance of saving you from yourself, I couldn't take that risk._

_Samantha loves you, she adores you and idolises you; I know you'll feel like I made you out to be some kind of hero, but that's what dads are supposed to be anyway, so deal with it. It was never my intention to just dump this on you. I know it won't seem like it, but I was trying to give you the best of both worlds - a family who loves and adores you, and your life and calling as a hunter with your brother. I didn't want you to have to tear yourself in two to get them._

_Dean, I love you, only you. I've only ever loved you. I never said it but I should have. And it probably doesn't seem like it right now either. I don't expect you to understand, I don't expect you to even like me, but please don't hate me. Or at least don't hate me enough that Samantha will too._

_Always yours_

_Lanie ___

Dean read the letter several times over, feeling the blows to his heart each time. He felt tears in his eyes and a sadness in his heart. Lanie knew him well, but the more he read the more he realised she probably knew him better than he knew himself. He was still angry at her for keeping Sammy secret, more because of how much he'd missed out on, but he at least now he understood. She'd done it out of love, love for him. His heart beat a little quicker thinking about whether she might still love him, he fell asleep with the letter in his hand, dreaming of the possibilities. 


	8. Nature/nurture

Dean woke to the sound of Sammy bounding down the stairs. He rubbed his eyes and realised Lanie's letter was still in his hands, he folded it up and put it back in his pocket. He looked over at Sam and saw the rise and fall of his chest. He was still out from yesterday. Sammy came bounding into the room closely followed by Lanie. She walked over to Sam and checked his vitals.  
"He's doing well, wouldn't be surprised if he woke up soon," Mel smiled at Dean, a small one,  
"Thanks Lanie," Dean said, "I don't know what I'd've done..."  
"Hey, don't mention it," she squeezed his shoulder as she walked past, "it's my job,"  
"No, it's not," he gave her a small but meaningful smile,  
"Breakfast?" Mel asked, her heart still heavy from last night,  
"Sounds good," Dean got up and looked back at Cas, "you coming?"  
"No, I'll stay with Sam, you go," Cas nodded towards the door,  
"Okay, thanks Cas,"

Mel busied herself in the kitchen trying not to think about how much she hurt. Last night was everything she deserved, and she knew that, but it didn't stop it from being any less painful. She hadn't realised till now, how much she was hoping Dean might forgive her and maybe even want to stay with her and Sammy. That hope was gone, it was never going to happen, it was her own fault, she'd done this to them and she had no one else to blame for it. She looked up at Dean as she put cereal and milk on the island counter, her heart sunk knowing what would never be, but could have been if she'd just made a single different decision. Dean lifted Sammy up onto the seat next to him and Mel joined them as she put bowls and spoons down.  
"Can you tell me all about my daddy today?" Sammy asked Dean enthusiastically, as Mel poured her a bowl of cereal,  
"If you like, but I'm not sure I can tell you anything you don't already know," Dean fixed his own cereal and started eating, his heart beating a little faster,  
"But, I thought you knew him better than anyone?" Sammy looked disappointed,  
"Yeh, so did I," Dean sighed, "turns out your mom knows him better than I do," he gave Lanie a quick glance and saw her frowning at him. Dean pulled the letter out of his pocket and briefly showed Lanie before Sammy could see.

Mel frowned and then her eyes went wide in realisation. She felt her cheeks burning and put her head in her hands. How did he get hold of that? Besides, it doesn't change anything, it couldn't. She'd still kept such a monumental secret from him, a secret she had no right to keep. She let out a shaky breath and felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She couldn't cry anymore, and she couldn't do it in front of Sammy.  
"Hey Sammy," Dean nudged his daughter as she finished her cereal, "do you wanna go get dressed, I need to go get some bits in town and I could use a guide if you feel up to it?" Sammy beamed at him and jumped down from her stool, she couldn't run up the stairs fast enough.  
"Thank you," Mel said from under her hands, a few seconds later she felt Dean's hands curling around her own and pulling them away from her face,  
"Lanie, I don't hate you," Dean smiled at her, "don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed but, I don't hate you," he shook his head and said quietly, "I could never hate you," he dropped her hands quickly,  
"Where did you get it from?" She nodded towards the letter that Dean had put on the counter after Sammy left,  
"Sammy," he chuckled, "she gave it to me when I took her up to bed last night, asked if I could give it to her daddy," he gave a small laugh, "I expected it to be a picture or a letter from her,"  
"I told her that if anything happened to me, to take that letter and give it to you, it would prove to you who she was," Mel shook her head, "I can't believe she'd be that sneaky," she laughed to herself and looked up at Dean, taken aback by how he looked at her, almost like he used to before she left. Mel looked back at her cereal and cleared her throat, she couldn't do this. Not this weird little dance; she knew Dean so well she could practically read his mind, but she must be out of practice because the way he was looking at her, it almost made her want to hope again, something she couldn't afford to do.  
"I'm ready!" Sammy exclaimed as she bounded into the room, she was dressed in jeans, a batman t-shirt and an AC/DC jacket,  
Dean looked from Sammy to Lanie with wide eyes, "seriously?!"  
"She's her daddy's daughter all right," Mel shrugged, "none of that was me," she saw Dean frown doubtfully at her, "I'm serious!" Mel cried, "when she was first born, it was such a struggle to get her to sleep, I tried everything from the sounds of nature to classical music to lullabies, the only thing that stopped her fussing was freakin' classic rock,"  
"Is that a bad thing?" Dean laughed,  
Mel looked at him, she silently remembered how painful it was being reminded of him everyday in her daughter's eyes, the music just topped it off. Each song was like a different memory and she really struggled for a while, she really hurt for a long time listening to that stuff without him. She smiled and shook her head, "No,"  
"You are gonna love my car, bird," he smiled at Sammy and put his empty bowl in the sink, "you need anything while we're out?"  
"No, I think I'm good here," Mel said,  
"Awesome, come on then, let's go," 

Dean followed Sammy out the front door to his car, there was still blood all over the backseat, Sam's blood. He found an old blanket in the boot and covered it up, it was his primary reason for heading into town, he needed to get some stuff to clean it up. He smiled seeing Sammy's face when she saw his baby, she was definitely his kid. He opened the door for her to climb in and then jumped in the drivers side himself. He turned the engine on and smiled as she purred to life, he clicked the cassette player on without thinking and on blasted none other than AC/DC. He noticed Sammy frowning at him from her seat but decided to say nothing, he had a feeling he knew where her train of thought was going and by trying to deflect it he'd only make matters worse later. Instead he backed out of the driveway and headed on into town as if nothing. Sammy smiled and settled into the seat.


	9. Questions

Mel made two mugs of coffee and walked back into the lounge. She handed one to Castiel and sat on the couch opposite Sam to drink the other.  
"Thank you for your help last night Cas," Mel said,  
"I didn't do anything," he said,  
"Yes you did, you gave me an excuse not to have Dean in the room," she smiled weakly,  
"What happened between you two?" Cas asked innocently,  
"I'm not sure," Mel shook her head sadly, "one minute it felt like we might just get the world, the next we ended up here," she felt tears in her eyes again,  
"Here isn't so bad though," Cas shrugged, "sure, you missed out on each other for a long while but you have a beautiful daughter that you tried to raise Dean's way as well as your own," Cas gave her a small smile, "you didn't have to but you did; what you did was out of love Melanie, if it was out of fear or abandon your daughter would only resemble Dean in body, but she is more like him in mind and spirit because you let her grow in both yours and his ways, you did what you thought was best and no matter the outcome you have to forgive yourself for that,"  
Mel coughed back tears as she looked at Castiel, she gave him a small smile and nodded, "thank you, I will try eventually, but right now I'm still in the guilt-ridden stage," she laughed bitterly,  
"I know," Cas said, "thank you for the coffee,"  
"Anytime," Mel said.

After a few minutes of silence, which strangely enough wasn't awkward, Sam started to stir.   
"Dean?" He managed to speak out,  
"Hey Sam, it me, Mel, how you feeling?" Mel brushed his hair from his eyes as he opened them,  
"Mel? What the hell happened?" Sam tried sitting up and cried out in pain,  
"Easy there," Mel gently pushed him back down, "you were caught out on a vamp hunt, one of them stabbed you, closest place to help was here," she explained,  
"Where's Dean?" Sam asked through the pain,  
"He's out in town, he'll be back soon," Mel reassured him, "Cas is still here,"  
"Hey Sam," Castiel waved from his seat,  
"Hey Cas," Sam waved his hand without moving his arm, he looked at Mel seriously, "how bad is it?"  
"Honestly," Mel blew out a breath, "you lost a lot of blood, the knife nicked an artery but I managed to patch it up, I think you've got a few broken ribs too, but you'll survive as always," she smiled,  
"Thanks Mel," Sam smiled back weakly,  
"Don't mention it,"   
"How's Dean?" Sam asked, a little concerned, "he wasn't too overbearing?"   
"No, I made him leave the room,"  
"You what? How'd you manage to distract him long enough to sort me out?" Sam was amazed,  
"I used a child, I'm not proud," she laughed a little,  
"A child?" Sam frowned,  
"Yeah, I had a little girl after I left," Mel told him,  
"Oh, right," Sam nodded, "how did Dean take that?"  
"Better than expected," Mel sighed wearily as her eyes glazed over, "any how, let me get you some water,"  
"I'd rather have a coffee," Sam said,  
"Water first, see if you can keep it down, you're also due another lot of pain relief so I'll do that too," Mel said and walked back to the kitchen. She almost told him about Sammy being Dean's but she just couldn't, it wasn't for her to say, and if Dean didn't tell Sammy then he might not even tell Sam, she'd already done enough damage making all the decisions so far, so she left it and prayed Dean would be back before she had to start answering questions that would give the game away, like what's your daughter's name?


	10. Daddy's Girl

Dean parked the car and climbed out, closely followed by Sammy. He locked the car and they started towards the shop fronts; it was a small town but large enough for Dean to get what he needed. It just so happened to be just the right size that everyone knew one another. Sammy took Dean's hand instinctively and they walked down the street together. Dean could feel eyes on him in all directions, he quickly found the store he was looking for and ducked in.

He found all the items he needed in the aisles and Sammy helped him take them to the till.  
"Hi there Sam, you okay?" the man at the till was older than Dean by about twenty years, he barely glanced at him but made it clear that he wasn't getting served unless Sammy said so,  
"Yes, I'm good, thank you Mr Harrison," she smiled up at him,  
Mr Harrison took a second look at Dean, he nodded and said, "is this all?"  
"Uh yeah, thanks," Dean nodded,  
"So...you one of Mel's friends?" Mr Harrison pried,  
"Well, I'm staying with her," Dean growled, "but I'm not paying her if that's what you're implying, we go way back, I've known her for eight years, Lanie isn't like that despite what this town seems to think,"  
"Lanie?" Mr Harrison frowned again, "Dean?" he asked,  
"Yeah, how'd you know my name?" Dean looked surprised,  
"Mel told me all about you," he gave a sideways glance at Sammy, "I was the one who saved her, picked her up hitch-hiking and brought her back here, I know what she's really doing, I know what you guys really do to," he held out his hand, "and I know what you specifically have done, I'm Owen,"  
Dean took his hand and shook it, still eyeing him suspiciously, Owen chuckled a little and put his stuff in a bag, he handed it to Dean.  
"How much?" Dean asked,  
"It's on the house," Owen said,  
"No, I can't do that, how much?"  
"Honestly Dean, just take it," Owen folded his arms,  
"I can't do that, please, how much?" Dean was back to growling,  
"Sorry Mr O, it's a hunter thing I think, they just don't trust people, and he's really stubborn," Sammy piped up,  
"Thanks Sammy," Dean said, shaking his head in amazement at her insightfulness,  
"Okay, how's this then," Owen looked at Dean seriously, "it'll cost you the price of trusting your own heart,"  
"That's weird, I don't get it," Sammy wrinkled her nose up,  
"He does," Owen nodded at Dean, "Mel told me a lot of things and I'm pretty good at reading between the lines, even if she isn't," he smiled,  
"Uh, thanks," Dean gave a half smile back, not sure what to think, or even what to feel, "come on then Sammy," she took his hand again and walked out the door.

They hadn't gone more than a few steps when three women of varying ages stopped in front of them.  
"Sam, honey, are you okay?" the oldest one bent down and asked her patronisingly,  
"I'm fine thank you," Sammy said defensively, holding Dean's hand tighter,  
"I think you should come with us," she said, trying to take her other hand,  
"And who are you?" Dean voice was laced with anger,  
"Me? Who are you?" the woman spat back haughtily, "it's one thing for Melanie to parade her alternative lifestyle in and out of her house at all hours, it's another thing to let them take her daughter out,"  
"Hey, Lanie isn't like that," Dean glared at her,  
"Lanie? Wow you got close real fast," she laughed sarcastically, "still doesn't mean she should give her daughter over to strangers,"  
"He's not a stranger, he's my dad!" Sammy practically yelled at her,  
"What?" Both Dean and the three women exclaimed together,  
Sammy looked up at him, "you are my dad, aren't you?" She looked at him innocently,  
"Well, yeah, but..." Dean looked down at his daughter in wonder, "how did you...I thought you didn't..."  
"I maybe your kid, but I'm my mom's too, I'm not stupid," she gave him one of Lanie's deadpan looks,  
"You're telling me," Dean blew out his breath, then looked back at the three accusers still stood before him, "anymore questions ladies,"  
"Uh...no..." they shook their heads,  
"Oh, and one more thing," Dean said as they turned to leave, "I know what it looks like, at Lanie's, but you're barking up the wrong tree, trust me, little tip though...you ever need any help, ever, and you don't know where to turn, who to trust or if anyone will believe you, go to her, I promise she'll do you good," Dean nodded and flashed them a grin, causing all three stooges to frown and then giggle like little school girls, walking off and leaving him and Sammy to it.

Dean saw a small cafe across the street and decided to take Sammy for ice cream. They sat in a corner at the back and Dean watched as she devoured half the bowl in a few spoonfuls.  
"So," he looked at her, "What gave it away?"  
"Well," she smiled at him, "it was weird how mom left me alone with you, I saw that letter I gave you opened, AC/DC in the car, it was lots of little things, but the one that made me sure, like I just knew, was your eyes, they're exactly like mine,"  
"You're a smart kid, definitely get that from your mom," Dean said,  
"I dunno, she said you're pretty smart,"  
"She did?"  
"Yeah, not like school smart, she said you could be if you wanted to though, but more like useful smart,"  
"Useful smart,"  
"Yeah, like you know how to fix a car without looking in a book, you can make stuff from normal stuff lying around, you know all kinds of monsters and what to do with them,"  
Dean frowned and looked at her dubiously, "your mom told you all that,"  
"Uh-huh," Sammy shook her head, "I ask lots of questions so she to talks about you a lot,"  
"Oh ok, so she has to talk about me," Dean said,  
"No, she doesn't have to, if she didn't want to she wouldn't ever have told me about you," Sammy said matter-of-factly,  
"Yeah, but it's not like she brings me up all the time, just cause she feels like it," Dean shrugged, aware that he was bordering on sulking, in front of his six year old daughter,  
Sammy gave him another one of Lanie's looks, "yeah, because it hurts to think about you because she loves you, why'd you think I've not got a stepdad?"  
"I don't know, I figured she hadn't found a guy who was happy with her out of hours clinic, and who didn't mind your non-existent dad still being the good guy," Dean shrugged again, "then there was you and your antics," he grinned at her and she went quiet,  
"I didn't want a stepdad, I wanted you," she said in a tiny voice that almost broke Dean's heart for the millionth time,  
"Hey, you got me kid, I'm not going anywhere," Dean meant it, he was sticking around for good this time. Sammy finished her ice cream and they went back to the car. Dean unlocked it and put the stuff he bought in the back. Dean looked at Sammy, she looked like she was about to cry. He knelt down in front of her and looked into her huge green eyes, "what's up bird?"  
Sammy smiled weakly, "nothin',"  
"Sammy?" Dean looked at her seriously,  
"Was mommy right?" She looked at her toes,  
"About what?"  
"About you always loving me? About you loving me a lot?"  
Dean felt his heart almost explode, how did Lanie do this and not die everyday? Dean realised there and then that she probably did, it was insane how he could feel something so powerful and unexplainable in such a short amount of time. He lifted Sammy's chin so she could see the tears in his eyes, "yes, she was definitely right, I love you so much Sammy,"  
Sammy swung her arms around his neck, "I love you too daddy,"  
Those words made his heart melt, he never knew happiness like it. She was the most important, most precious thing in this world. He would do anything to keep her safe, anything to make her happy and make her smile, he would go to the ends of the earth to find her if she ever got lost. Dean couldn't help but let a few tears slide down his cheek, and for the first time ever they were tears of happiness, pure and untainted happiness.


	11. Decisions

Dean pulled into the driveway and cut the engine off. Sammy bounced out of the car and through the front door. Mel breathed a sigh of relief; Sam had drifted off again after she'd given him his medication and had reawakened not too long ago, but it was long enough that he'd be asking those awkward questions sometime real soon. Dean came in after Sammy looking happier than Mel had ever seen him. Mel was just about to ask him what was so good when she remembered Sam had woken up.  
"He's awake?" Dean looked at Mel,  
"Yeah, he woke up not long after you left, then fell back to sleep again after I drugged him up, he woke up about fifteen minutes ago," Mel explained,  
"Is he...is he okay?" Dean looked concerned,  
"He's fine, but he's about to start asking some awkward questions," Mel said, she followed Dean back through to the living room. They walked in to see Sammy stood next to Sam frowning at him and Sam pushed up against the corner of the couch, eyes wide.  
"I only asked him how he was feeling," Sammy said,  
"Dean?" He looked from Sammy to Dean and back to Sammy, "her eyes...she...uh...Mel?"  
"Sammy, uh lets give them a minute," Mel took her daughter's hand and avoiding Sam's ever-widening eyes she led her out of the room and back to the kitchen.

"Dean?" Sam looked at him waiting for an answer,  
"How you feeling Sammy?" Dean ignored him, not sure what to say,  
"Like I got stabbed in the gut," he said pointedly, "you wanna tell me what's been going on?"  
"Well, uh..." Dean cleared his throat, "it sort of turns out, uh, that I have a daughter," he shrugged and tried to stop the wide grin spreading across his face,  
"Wow Dean, I guessed that," Sam said sarcastically and shook his head, "I thought I was looking at you for a second there,"  
"I know, they caught me off guard too," Dean said,  
"So you're actually happy about this?" Sam asked,  
"Well, yeah, I am," Dean frowned, "not on purpose, I just can't help it, it's weird, and I'm still pissed at Lanie for keeping it a secret,"  
"Obviously not that pissed," Sam chuckled,  
"What do you mean?"  
"She's still _Lanie ___,"  
"Yeah well, she did save your life,"  
"And she kept your child a secret from you for over six years," Sam couldn't help feeling a little betrayed himself,  
"Sammy, she had her reasons, and they aren't the ones your thinking," Dean felt defensive and he wasn't even sure why, Sam was right but he couldn't help feeling like he understood why Lanie did what she did, "it wasn't the life, it wasn't me or us that made her run, at least not her perception of it all, it was mine," Dean went quiet, even a little choked up, "she didn't want to see me torn between Sammy and our life as hunters still trying to get yellow eyes, she knew I'd feel guilty whatever I did, she knew a lot of things and she couldn't watch me destroy myself trying to do the right thing,"  
"Dean..."  
"She was right though, I would have self-destructed at some point, I always do," Dean said, he looked down at his hands, "she wanted me to have the best of both worlds, where I could hunt and be with you, and have a family that loved me," he looked back up to Sam, "she tried to give me everything but to do it she couldn't tell me anything,"  
"You believe all that?" Sam asked, not trying to dissuade Dean but wanting to know if he felt they were excuses,  
"Yeah, I do," Dean nodded, "she did what she thought was best, you look back at my life and tell me if I'm in a position to judge that?" Sam tipped his head in agreement, "I know it's not my fault, I'm not blaming myself for her not telling me, it was her decision not mine, and I'm not gonna feel guilty for not being around when I had no idea about her," Dean said, "but I think that's what Lanie was trying to do, to give me a kid who loves and adores me, who sees me as a great dad even though she's never met me, that I don't have to feel any guilt about, I don't have to wonder if I deserve it or if I've already screwed her up or if I'm not far off from turning into dad," Dean sighed and then smiled, "I still wish I'd known from the beginning, but I've got a daughter that loves me and I don't have an ounce of bad feeling about any of it,"  
"Okay,"  
"Okay? Is that it?" Dean frowned at Sam,  
"She's your kid, if you're good I'm good," Sam gave his brother a small smile, "you seem happy Dean, and you just talked to me without me having to force you, much," he laughed, "maybe I'm thinking its a good thing too,"  
"So, how are you feeling?" Dean asked again,  
"I'm okay, I'll make it, give me a few days and I'll be good to go I reckon," Sam winced as he moved,  
"Just rest up," Dean said.

Back in the kitchen Mel sat Sammy on a stool, she peeled an orange for her and watched her gobble it up.  
"So, did you have fun in town?" Mel asked,  
"Yeah, the best," Sammy looked at Mel with wide eyes, "we went to Mr Harrison's and he said some funny stuff to daddy which meant he didn't have to pay," Sammy kept talking as Mel snapped to attention, not sure she'd heard properly, "and then we saw Mrs Gendry and Mrs Tolly and Mrs Jackson who weren't very nice, they wanted to take me away, but daddy told them off and they left, then we went for ice cream and then we came home, but you were right mommy, he does love me like you do,"  
"I was? I am?" Mel stood in shock,  
"Yeah, and I think he loves you a lot too, I told him you love him and you think he's really smart," Sammy said,  
"You did what?!" Mel exclaimed, "why?!" she was bordering on passing out now, at least with the letter she could get away with saying she wrote it years ago!  
"Because you do!" Sammy said defensively,  
"That's not the point!" Mel cried, "you can't just say things like that to people Samantha, that's for the people who feel those things to say to the people they feel them about," Mel was losing it, her heart beat hard and fast and she felt sick, what the hell was Dean thinking now, how was she supposed to look him in the eye again. Mel was mortified.  
"But you weren't going to say anything to him!" Sammy cried, "how is he supposed to know if you don't tell him!"  
"He's not Sammy, that's the point!" Mel flung her arms out in exasperation, "it's my decision to tell him how I feel,"  
"Yeah," Sammy said quietly, "cause all your decisions have turned out to be the right ones up till now,"  
"Sammy..." Mel wanted to cry and she didn't know what to say,  
"He might not come home if you don't tell him you love him," Sammy's tears started falling,  
"Oh sweetie," Mel cried too, she went and wrapped her arms around her daughter, "he still might not if I do,"  
"I know, but at least we'll have tried everything," Sammy slipped out from her mother's arms and ran upstairs.

Mel sat back on a stool and breathed out shakily. Dean walked in and looked at her, he fixed her a coffee and put it in front of her. She thanked him quietly.  
"So," Dean said, "she knows it's me,"  
"Yeah I got that," Mel said, "I take it you told her in town?"  
"No actually, she told me," Dean laughed,  
"What?" Mel frowned,  
"She'd figured it out," Dean said,  
"when the three evil witches tried to take her off me she told them I was her dad," Dean shook his head, "I'm not sure who was the most surprised by that statement,"  
"How...? When...?" Mel was in disbelief,  
"She's your daughter Lanie, smart, observant and insightful as ever," Dean smiled at her, "she said it was lots of things but mainly my eyes, hers look exactly the same,"  
Mel shook her head and laughed, "I should have known she'd make that connection,"  
"So, what was all that about then?" Dean gestures towards the stairs where Sammy had run,  
"Difference of opinion," Mel said,  
"So nothing to do with what she told me, about you loving me?" Dean sat down opposite her, Mel drew in a shaky breath and looked up at him with tears in her eyes.   
"I overheard you Lanie, arguing with Sammy,"  
"Dean..." Mel tried to smile, "I am sorry, for all this," a few tears escaped as she tried to choke them back,  
"Hey," Dean was beside her instantly, he put his arms across her back and his head on her shoulder, "I know, it's okay, Lanie, it's okay,"  
Mel turned to face him, she looked up into his bright green eyes and they took her breath away, like always. She couldn't believe what a monumental mistake she'd made when she was so sure she'd done the right thing. As if he'd read her mind Dean said, "you were right Lanie, you were did what was right, don't ever forget that, and forgive yourself for it,"  
"But how can I have been right? Are you saying you're happy I kept her from you?" Mel faltered,  
"No, I still wish you'd told me, I missed so much that I can't get back, but you made the best decision based on the information you had," Dean looked deep into her eyes, "you remember the first time it wasn't all just physical with us?" She nodded, confused, "you told me, before I jumped you, that you knew me, and you did. You really knew me, Lanie, better than even I knew me, and I can sit here in hindsight and know what my decisions would have been, and I do know I'd have chosen you two, but from where you stood, looking at that future with a baby involved, I understand how you didn't, how you couldn't really know, and why you couldn't risk it, you need to let it go and forgive yourself Lanie,"  
"Do you forgive me? Can you ever forgive me?" Mel said in a tiny voice,  
"No," Dean sighed, "there's nothing to forgive," he held her as her tears fell thick and fast, let her cry into his chest and felt her whole body let go.

A little while later Mel lifted her head and wiped her eyes. She looked at Dean and smiled, "Sorry,"  
"Don't mention it," Dean smiled back, he felt something pulling at him, at his heart and despite reasoning he couldn't stop himself, he lent in and kissed her. It felt like home. Mel couldn't believe it, she thought she'd never feel this again. She kissed him back, savouring every moment and every feeling. When they finally pulled apart they looked at each other and laughed. It was an easy laugh, Dean put his forehead against Lanie's and sighed.  
"What was that for?" Mel asked, smiling,  
"Settling my debits," Dean said, "ask Owen when you next see him," he chuckled when he saw her frown, then kissed her again lightly,  
"Hm, I will," she said,  
"You coming back in," Dean nodded towards the other room,  
"Yeah, I'm right behind you,"


	12. Pancakes

They spent the rest of the day sitting around and relaxing. Dean and Mel pretended like nothing had happened and Sam pretended like they were doing that well. Sammy spent most of the afternoon and evening curled up with Dean and talking his ear off, or asking Sam a ton of questions. She made Castiel play cards with her and Mel laughed at Sammy's face when she lost, something she didn't do very often. She got over it pretty quick though. 

Mel found spare pillows and blankets from around the house, Sam stayed on the couch in the front room whilst Dean and Cas took the twin beds in Mel's spare room. They all settled down for the night pretty early, after the day before they needed it. Dean put Sammy to bed again and then came back downstairs but it wasn't long before they all made their way up to bed after that. One by one their heads hit the pillow and they were asleep before they knew it.

The next morning Mel woke to the sound of banging and cluttering in the kitchen. She ventured nervously downstairs and when she opened the door she saw Dean, Sammy and the kitchen covered in flour, milk and eggs. They both looked up and grinned, Mel couldn't help but laugh. This was something she thought she'd never see, something she thought Sammy would never have. She cleared her throat as she felt tears spring to her eyes and forced herself to move further into the kitchen.  
"So...pancakes for breakfast," she smiled at the state of the two of them,  
"Uh-huh," Sammy looked very proud,  
"Did you have to make so much mess?" Mel asked, still smiling,  
"Sorry, it's one of the fundamental rules of pancake making," Dean said, "you must use every dish in the kitchen and both yourself and the room must be covered in at least two thirds of the ingredients,"   
"Ah right," Mel giggled, "I'm glad to see you following the rules, it's just a shame that the only ones you follow seem to be the ones that make the most mess,"  
"Hey!" Dean laughed,   
"Coffee?" Mel asked and he nodded, she moved around them to fetch the cups, milk and sugar, then set herself up in front of the coffee pot. She thought about the last few days and everything that had happened, she thought about the kiss they shared and wondered if it was going to happen again or even if it should. She started pouring the coffee into the cups, still daydreaming when she felt Dean move behind her. That kiss definitely reignited something, it was like a spark went off between them. Mel lifted her head as she felt it and turned to see Dean looking at her, he felt it too. She turned back and carried on with the drinks, her head down and desperately trying to ignore what was going on with her body.   
"Okay kiddo," Dean spoke to Sammy, lets go get washed up and then we can actually cook them,"   
Sammy flew up the stairs and Dean went to follow. 

Mel breathed a sigh of relief before Dean spun her around and kissed her again, one hand around her waist and the other feeding his fingers through her hair, this time with a lot more need in him. Mel felt her breath taken away, her body naturally curled into his like it always had, she gripped the counter tightly as she felt her knees go weak. She felt him smirk beneath the kiss and steadied herself, she was always up for a challenge. As Dean began pulling away she grabbed his belt buckle and pulled him into her, she held on to his hand that was still grabbing her hair and kissed him with all the built up passion that had gone untouched and unused in about seven years. Mel felt Dean shudder slightly and this time it was her turn to smirk beneath her kiss. Dean pulled away and breathed deeply, he looked at her with wide, hungry eyes.  
"That was...uh..."  
"Daddy? Are you coming?" Sammy's voice floated down the stairs, getting closer as she went. Dean and Mel sprung apart and Dean called out to her, his voice still thick "I'm coming bird, give me a second," he puffed air out of his cheeks and glanced up at Lanie, she looked amused.  
"I best...uh...yeah," Dean went to turn and leave but couldn't help himself, he spun back round and gave her one more kiss, this time filled with a bit less lust and a lot more love. 

Mel watched as he left the kitchen and walked up the stairs, she sighed to herself. What was going to happen? What was she going to do? She couldn't ask him to stay, but she wasn't sure she could bear him to leave. She swallowed her fears and forced herself to go with it for now. She took three cups of coffee into the front room and passed Sam and Castiel one each before sitting down.   
"Where's Dean?" Sam asked after thanking Mel for his coffee,  
"Washing up, he just made pancakes with Sammy, well, only the batter so far but it was bad enough they needed cleaning up before actually frying them," Mel grinned,  
"So...Sammy...?" Sam smiled, "not sure how long it's gonna take me to get used to that,"  
"Yeah, sorry, I just..." Mel fiddled with her cup, "I was trying to find a name that sounded like Dean might have had some say in it," Sam nodded, not really sure what to say, Mel decided to carry on talking, "her full name is Samantha Mary Jessica Reynolds,"   
Sam flinched a little, his eyes became slightly shiner than they were a few seconds ago, "didn't you wanna put any of you in there?"   
"Jessica was me, she was my family, and I dunno...it all just felt right," Mel shrugged, "granted, had I not kept her a secret she'd more likely have Sammy as a middle name but..." Mel coughed and squeezed her mug tighter,  
"But what?" Sam asked,  
"But I did hide her, and calling her Sammy felt like I wasn't really letting go,"  
"Mel, why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked sincerely,  
"I couldn't," she said with tears in her eyes, "I couldn't be the one thing that came between you and Dean, it wasn't fair to put that on you, on anyone,"  
"How was it fair to put it on you?" He asked quietly,   
"I..." Mel didn't know what to say, "I didn't think I had a choice,"  
"I know, but you've got one now," Sam smiled,  
"What do you mean?" Mel frowned at him,  
"You gonna let Dean walk out that door a second time?" Sam asked,  
"Sam...I don't...I can't...I'm not even..." Mel faltered,   
"I know he loves you, and I know you know that, even if you aren't willing to believe it, and I know you love him same as he knows that but won't trust that he knows that," Sam said, "don't make me play Cupid, I'm not that into hugs," he laughed,  
"We'll see, it's not that simple," Mel smiled,  
"It's not that hard either," Sam looked at her seriously. 

Before Mel could answer, Sammy came bounding in much cleaner than she'd been a few minutes ago. She wanted them all to sit at the table and wait for their pancakes. Castiel, who'd sat quietly throughout Mel and Sam's conversation, was immediately obedient and stood ready to move. Mel helped Sam get to his feet, Cas came around his other side and they slowly walked towards the table.  
"You know, I shouldn't be letting you do this, you should be laid up for at least a week," Mel said,  
"You know that's not gonna happen," Sam smirked,  
"It's a good job I know how tough you are Sam Winchester," she helped him lower himself into a chair then checked his stitches. They were doing well and hadn't torn from walking across the room. "You're going straight back to the couch after breakfast though," Mel warned him, smiling. A few minutes later Sammy and Dean walked through the door with a huge plate full of pancakes and a bunch of other stuff to go with them. Plates were passed around the table and everyone dug in, there was more than enough and soon they were all stuffed.   
"That was amazing," Mel said, looking at Sammy and Dean,  
"Yeah, it was pretty good," Sam said with a hint of surprise,  
"Thanks Sam," Dean laughed,  
"What are you all up to today?" Sam asked,  
"Well, I gotta clean up baby," Dean said, "I'll get started in a bit,"  
"I wanna help," Sammy smiled,  
"Sorry bird, it's not something you can help with," he saw her face drop, "but we'll do something when I'm finished if you like?" Sammy nodded, smiling again,  
"I'm cleaning up the mess they made in the kitchen," Mel laughed, "and then nothing really, I called into work and pulled a 'family emergency' for a few days,"  
"Well, we are family, and I was stabbed so...I wouldn't call it lying," Sam chuckled,  
"I am not doing anything," Cas said,  
"Well, I'm headed back to the couch, doctors orders, so...anyone know of a decent film or something worth watching?" Sam looked around the table,  
"Have you seen 'Tangled' yet?" Sammy asked him in a quiet but hopeful voice,  
"No, but it does sound good, you wanna watch it with me while everyone else cleans up?" Sam asked and Sammy nodded, she jumped down from the table and ran to find it in her collection, "someone wanna help me back to the couch?"   
"Sure," Mel walked round and helped him up, Dean came to stand at his other side and together they slowly walked back to the couch.

Mel helped Sam prop himself up in the corner, checking his stitches for a second time and again being satisfied that they were okay. Sammy put on her DVD and came and sat next to Sam, leaning into him without hesitation. Sam looked at her in surprise before moving his arm and pulling her in closer, he wrapped a blanket round the two of them and she pressed play. They were glued to the screen a few seconds later, including Cas who had come and sat back on the armchair after Mel thanked but declined his help. Dean was in the kitchen getting ready to clean baby's backseat. 

Mel wondered in and out of the kitchen a few times as she quietly cleared the table, found random free spots to put it all in and then set about actually washing it all.  
"Sorry about the mess," Dean said,  
"Don't worry about it, you had fun and you were only following the rules," she laughed,   
"Maybe 'clean the mess you make' should be an added rule," Dean smiled,  
"Yes, I think it should be," she nodded, plunging her hands into the soapy water. Mel felt Dean come up behind her. He put his hands on her hips and moved them onto her stomach, hugging her tightly. He put his head on her shoulder and kissed her lightly on her cheek, it felt like the most normal thing in the world. After a moment Dean let go and gathered up his cleaning stuff, he made his way out to the car leaving Mel washing up.

Mel was glad of the reprieve, she worked quickly and quietly putting her kitchen back in order. Cleaning helped her think and work through her thoughts. She didn't want to let Dean go but she knew she was going to have to, he couldn't stay here and just be a normal guy, it wasn't in him, it was one of the reasons she loved him like she did. She knew Dean would want to stay, she knew he'd never want to leave, but she wasn't sure if she could watch Sam walk out the door and not feel like she was forcing them apart. She had to come up with a way, a solution to this problem, one that meant she could give Dean what she'd been trying to since she'd run away, and one that meant they didn't have to lose him again. Mel sighed, she'd find a way, by hell or high water, she'd do it.


	13. Neighbours

Dean opened one of the back doors of the Impala, he pulled off the blanket covering the blood and assessed the situation. Maybe next time he should put the blanket under the bleeding person, that would make his job a lot easier. He sighed and picked up one of the toothbrushes he'd bought, dipped it in the bucket of water and began gently scrubbing away. It was going to be a long morning and possibly afternoon. As he worked his mind wandered, and it didn't take him long to realise that it wasn't necessarily a good thing. The only thing it really wondered to was Lanie. He had no idea what to do. He wanted so badly to stay, hell, no one would stop him if he did, but he wasn't sure he could. There was something still pulling at him, something unfinished, it almost didn't feel right to give up now. But Lanie and Sammy, they needed him. How was he going to look his little girl in the eyes and leave? He wasn't sure he could, but he couldn't help but feel like he was lying to himself by staying. He also wasn't sure he could watch Sam walk out the door and just wave goodbye. He wasn't finding it difficult to choose between his daughter and his brother, it wasn't a choice; but damn if he felt like going with Sam _was_ choosing Sammy! What the hell was that about? He shuddered at the thought it might be him actually growing up, being an adult, being a parent. His dad's words floated into his head about then "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm here to raise you right," Dean smiled to himself and shook his head. Damn again if that man wasn't right; he loved Sammy beyond recognition, he couldn't even begin to describe what he felt for her. But the last day or so, he'd definitely tried his hardest to get her to like him, and yeh some of that was warranted because they had to get to know each other, but Sammy wasn't Ben. He didn't have to tiptoe until she got used to him, or her mom did. Sammy was his, even if nothing was going on with him and Lanie, he was still her father, he still had a right to be there, was entitled to a relationship with her. But what kind of a relationship was it likely to be if Dean was running off all the time, never around, never there? Sure, it'd been like that for the first six years of her life but that was before, he knew now and leaving was choosing; it was his choice to go or to stay. He sighed to himself as he realised exactly what Lanie had done for him all these years, she'd known he'd feel all this, be thinking all these things, 'tying himself up in knots' as she put it. In that moment he knew how much she loved him and how much he loved her in return, surely that would be enough. He prayed that would be enough, even if he chose to leave he couldn't lose them, he wouldn't know what to do if he did. 

Dean tried to focus on the car instead of all his twisted up problems caused by his incessant thoughts and feelings. He was only half way through the stain and he'd been at it for a long while. He dipped the brush back into the water and carried on gently scrubbing, watching the dried blood eventually soften and come away from the leather, revealing the seat underneath. It didn't take him long after that to start remembering all the good times he'd had because of this beautiful car, both inside and out. Cleaning up the backseat he couldn't stop himself remembering the few times he'd been in it, more specifically the few times he'd been in it with Lanie. After they'd started having a bit of fun together, before it turned serious, there were still times when Lanie had to share a room with him and Sam. And a few of these times, they'd been more than distracted; so they waited till Sam was asleep or thought up reasonable excuses then drove to the middle of nowhere and jumped in the back seat. As Dean was scrubbing the seat he thought of all the ways he'd had Lanie on it; he could almost see her naked form across it, moonlight glistening off her, he remembered the way she moved, the way she teased, the confidence she had, the fun in her eyes. She was the first girl, actually the only girl, Dean felt could keep up with him, who wasn't afraid of trying something new or saying 'no' when she wasn't feeling it. She knew what she was doing and she knew how to make him scream like no one before, and no one since. 

Dean couldn't stop thinking about those few times, how he'd felt, how hot it all was. He could feel his memories working himself up, could feel his body reacting to his thoughts. He looked up through the window above the opposite seat and cursed when he saw Lanie walking towards him, hips swaying and bright eyes sparkling in the sun. His brain chose to remind him of a different way her hips swayed at the moment she caught his eye. He felt the burn creep up his cheeks and tried to get out of the car but felt so awkward and nervous that he hit his head on the roof as he came out. He cursed to himself again and saw Lanie frowning at him from across the roof of the car.  
"You okay?" She asked,  
"Yeah," Dean said, rubbing the back of his head, still feeling a little flustered,  
"I brought you coffee and lunch," she nodded to the grass in front of the house where she'd set down a flask and some sandwiches,  
"Thanks, just uh...give me a minute," he cleared his throat,  
"You wouldn't happen to have been thinking about times past where different bodily fluids ended up on the back seat of your car, by any chance?" She smirked,  
"No," Dean frowned awkwardly, "why would I be...what made you...no," he glared at her,  
"Hi there," the three women from yesterday were stood at the bottom of the driveway, the oldest one holding a basket; they looked from Mel to Dean and back again. There was no way they hadn't heard what Mel had said to Dean, any doubt was erased by the looks she was getting. Dean was getting a few of his own too, but his were more admiration and intrigue than anything else. Mel felt her cheeks burning and saw Dean grinning at her out the corner of her eye.  
"Hi," Mel said, trying not to squirm under their gaze,  
"We brought you some muffins," the oldest woman offered the basket to her,  
Mel frowned, "why?" She said, not being impolite on purpose but out of total shock and surprise,  
"W...well," she said, faltering slightly, "I thought we could maybe get to know each other," she smiled brightly, it was the fakest smile Mel had seen in a long time,  
"But you hate me," Mel shook her head, still unsure what was going on,  
"What?!" She pretended to be offended, "of course we don't hate you, I think we just got off on the wrong foot, we were hoping to set it right," she beamed again setting Mel on edge,  
"Lorraine, I appreciate that your issue with me has lessened since discovering my daughter has a father, and I know who he is," Mel gave her a pointed look which made Lorraine shift uncomfortably, "but really, you don't have to be nice just because you were wrong, not being a bitch would suffice,"  
Dean's eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly, impressed at her boldness and no nonsense attitude. Lorraine was doing her best impression of a fish, mimicked by one of her minions whilst the other tried not to laugh.  
"There was no need for that!" Lorraine finally spoke, now actually offended,  
"What did you expect exactly? I know you're the queen bee around here, but I'm not really one for climbing the popularity ladder, I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel about me, because you don't know me. You never bothered to get to know me, you made assumptions based on random observations with little to no proof or evidence to back up the theories you created from them, and then you made my life and my daughter's life a living hell trying to get us to move, so...please excuse my being blunt but I don't think a muffin basket makes much of a fucking difference, do you? Especially considering I never heard the words 'I'm sorry' escape from your lips,"  
"Look Melanie," Lorraine said haughtily, "you are right," Mel could see how hard it was for her to squeeze those words out, "but can we not just move past this like adults? I'm aware I haven't acted much like one towards you, but I was really hoping we could try and be friends," Mel was even more shocked by this, because as far as she could tell Lorraine was being sincere, "I'm sorry Melanie," she added, sighing,  
"It's Mel," Mel walked towards her and took the basket, "I hate Melanie, thanks for the muffins," she managed a small smile,  
"So, uh, is your..." Lorraine gestured to Dean, not knowing what to call him, Mel didn't help either, "Samantha's dad, are you..." Lorraine looked at Dean trying her best not to blush, he didn't help matters by flashing her a cheeky grin, "...is he...back for good then?" Lorraine asked,  
"Uh, well..." Mel shifted uncomfortably,  
"It's...I don't...thing is..." Dean said at the same time. Mel sighed and looked across the roof at Dean, they shared a sad but knowing smile before Mel turned back to Lorraine.  
"We don't know yet," she said,  
"Oh okay, but you are together right? He is your husband?" Lorraine frowned,  
"What?!" Mel said, totally gobsmacked, "No! Have you seen a ring on my finger? Am I a Mrs?"  
"Well, I just assumed it was like a top secret kind of thing, like his job," Lorraine shrugged,  
"Top secret? His job?" Mel could barely get the words out she was so lost, she turned to Dean, "what the hell did you say to them?!"  
"Nothin'" he frowned, also confused, "I said they had the wrong idea about you and basically if they were in any weird, 'no-ones-gonna-believe-me' kinda trouble, to come see you," he smiled,  
"You said what?!"  
"What? You'd rather they all died?!"  
"No! That's not what I meant," Mel breathed out trying to calm herself, "I just don't want to be this towns 'Jody Mills', and you obviously didn't stop to think about how some people could interpret that!"  
"What?" Dean shrugged, "I do have a top secret job, it's not exactly far off," he winked,  
"Dean Winchester, there are times I wonder if killing you would be the easy way out," Mel rubbed her forehead frustratedly,  
" _Winchester?!_ " One of Lorraine's lackys, the quiet one, spoke up,  
"Yeah, why?" Dean's face snapped straight to serious with a hint of aggression,  
"Do you have a brother called Sam?" She asked,  
"What's it to you?" He growled,  
"Nancy?" Lorraine looked at the small woman, whose eyes were wide in recognition,  
"My...my sister, she had a 'weird' problem a few years back, she said some guy named Sam Winchester saved her life, him and a friend he had," she turned to the other two from her group, "remember I told you? About my crazy sister and her elaborate stories, the one with the ghost hunters, and the salt and the iron? She said that Sam guy was really tall and really hot and amazing in the bedroom?!"  
"Oh...yeah, I do remember now," Lorraine said, nodding at Nancy,  
"Wasn't that the one where his friend got cut up?" Julie asked,  
"Yeah," Nancy said in realisation, "she told me Sam's friend got really badly hurt so he called a number and gave him an address where he could get fixed up, said her name was Mel Winchester, she was 'Dean's girl'..." as Nancy finished her sentence she looked with wide eyes at Mel, who folded her arms and shifted uncomfortably.  
"Excuse me for just a second," Mel stalked angrily across the lawn and into the house, closely followed by a chuckling Dean and the three women who didn't want to miss out.

"Are you kidding me?!" Mel yelled at Sam, trying not to swear because Sammy was in the room, still cuddled up to him,  
"What?!" Sam looked at her with wide and panicked eyes,  
"Mel Winchester?! 'Dean's girl'?!" She glared at him with flaming eyes making Sam recoil,  
"Uh, about that..." Sam swallowed,  
"It's not freakin' funny!" She flapped at Dean, who was finding it hard not to laugh, "surely you're not exactly happy about this either?"  
"Hey, there is no bigger bombshell than 'you have a six year old daughter' so blame yourself if everything else pales in comparison," he chuckled,  
"I cannot believe that's what you all called me! No wonder hardly any of them tried it on! I just thought I was lucky..." She stopped and thought, "that makes so much sense now,"  
"Wait a second..." Dean growled, "you mean some of them still came on to you?"  
"That's what you're worried about?" Mel looked at him in disbelief,  
"You were supposedly mine," he shrugged defensively,  
"That's seriously the place you wanna take this?" Mel asked heatedly,  
"Nope, not at all," he said, and stepped back quickly,  
"Sorry Mel," Sam said sheepishly,  
"But why would you call me 'Dean's girl'?" Mel suddenly thought, "you didn't know about us,"  
"I didn't know about the..." Sam looked down at his niece who was staring at him with big wide eyes, having listened intently to the whole conversation whilst being forgotten by most of the adults in the room, other than to curb their language, "I didn't know you were hooking up, no, but it didn't take an idiot to see you'd fallen for each other," Sam looked exasperatedly at their faces of denial, "oh for heaven's sake guys, you've gotta be the only two who didn't see it; except I'm pretty sure you did, you just refused to say it to each other," Sam was getting furious at them, "you know if either one of you'd just been honest with me, this whole thing wouldn't even be a thing right now," he said without thinking,  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mel asked,  
"You knew she was pregnant?" Dean barked,  
"I knew she might have been, yeah," Sam nodded,  
"But how? I wrapped the test up in like a hundred tissues," Mel said, shocked,  
"I know, call it baby brain or your subconscious but you left the box on the bathroom counter,"  
"Why didn't you say anything to me Sam?" It was Dean's turn to get mad now,  
"I tried, I asked you if something was going on," Sam yelled back, "but you said no, you promised me it wasn't, and I knew how much you'd be hurting if I told you she was having some other guy's kid; and I wasn't even sure she was pregnant, I didn't see the test, I thought it might have just got her thinking about what she wanted out of life,"  
"I never promised you jack," Dean said,  
"Yeah, you did," Sam said,  
"No, I didn't, I yelled at you to drop it, then said some feeling crap to throw you off and sat in silence for over an hour and a half,"  
"Oh sh..." Sam said, realising Dean was right and managing to stop himself before he'd gone full curse, "I...uh...I'm sorry Dean, I thought...I'm sorry," Sam felt the tears behind his eyes, he thought he'd get used to letting his big brother down by now but apparently not, it seemed every failure was likely to hit him just as hard,  
"Bitch," he looked up at a semi-smiling Dean,  
"Jerk," he grinned back,  
"Like I said, pales in comparison," he laughed. 

Sam smiled again and then became painfully aware of the three audience members stood just behind Dean, almost ogling him.  
"Uh, who are they?" Sam asked, pulling the blanket a little further up even though he had a shirt on,  
"Oh, these guys," Dean gestured towards the women, "these are Lanie's new friends, apparently you saved Nancy's sister from a particularly vengeful spirit alongside a friend of yours, I'm guessing around the time you had no soul, judging by her sister's description of you," Dean smirked at him,  
"Great," Sam waved at them from across the room, "why are they here?"  
"Well, it started out as a half arsed apology to Mel, then some invasive questions were asked, then Mel dropped our last name, Nancy recognised it and told her sister's whole story which sent Mel spitting feathers back to you, and you know the rest," Dean look pleased with himself and his summary,  
"So, you're all going to be friends now? Just because you sort of said sorry?" Sammy piped up from Sam's side, looking pointedly at both her mom and the three women stood behind her,  
"Well, we'd like to try," Lorraine smiled, "don't you think it would be nice if we were all friends?"  
"It depends on what you mean by friends," Sammy said, "if you mean play along and do everything your way just for an easy life, no I don't think it would be nice,"  
"My daughter's gonna take a bit more than a basket of muffins and a good intention to win round, she's stubborn like her dad," Mel smiled,  
"And hot headed like her mom," Dean shot back,  
"It's not going to be like that, I promise, and I'm sorry Sammy, for everything, we really were wrong, and we know we judged your mom before knowing her, which we shouldn't have, but we'd like to try and make it up to you," Lorraine said, and she sounded sincere,  
"We'll see how it goes," Sammy gave her a small smile of approval, for now, still doubtful and untrusting,  
"Okay then," Lorraine looked happy with her answer,  
"Okay, so..." Mel looked around the room, "anyone for coffee?"  
"Oh no, we'll leave you to it, didn't mean to intrude," Lorraine smiled,  
"Okay..." Mel frowned considering that's exactly what they'd meant to do,  
"But hey, at least we know what you're up to now," Julie grinned, "kind of,"  
"Uh-huh," Mel nodded, still not quite able to believe what had happened,  
"I gotta get back to cleaning my baby," Dean said and he walked out the door followed by the small group of women. 

Mel let out a sigh and shook her head. What the hell? Could things get anymore complicated? She checked Sam's stitches again before heading back out to Dean who'd inhaled his lunch and was back cleaning the car. She walked around behind him and picked up a second toothbrush. She dipped it in the bucket of water and walked around the other side of the car, opening the back door and leaning across the seat. She began gently scrubbing the leather, Dean smiled from across the car but said nothing. The two of them sat in silence, doing nothing but working Sam's blood out of the seat and being content in each other's company.


	14. Torn

It didn't take long with the two of them working on it to get the seats cleaned up. Neither of them said much but both of them enjoyed the company. They finished mid-afternoon, Dean put the leather conditioner on the seat once all the blood was gone and satisfied with the job they'd done he went to get cleaned up, Mel followed him in and headed up the stairs at the same time, only realising what a stupid thing it was once it was too late. 

The electricity was back in the air, Mel looked at Dean as he reached the top of the stairs. He was as hungry for her as she was for him. She tried to shake herself out of it, passing him a towel and showing him how the shower worked. Then she nodded and walked straight into her bedroom. Mel sighed, it was so hard not to jump him, she wanted so badly to be on him but not just out of physical need. She loved him, and she needed to let it out, to allow herself to feel it, to act on it, to show him, even if made her heart ache that much more once he was gone. She'd stopped pretending that he might stay, especially after their stuttered words with Lorraine, Nancy and Julie. She saw it in his eyes, she knew him. Tears stung the back of her eyes, she blinked them back fiercely as she heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Lanie?" She heard him whispering, it made her laugh, he sounded just like he used to when he came to knock boots,  
"Yeah," she whispered through the door, stifling a giggle,  
"Can I come in?" He whispered back,  
"Depends,"  
"On what?"  
"Your intentions," her heart hammered in her chest, she swallowed nervously,  
"Uh...well...they'll feel good but I'm not sure you'd exactly call them good..."   
Mel flung the door open and pulled him in, shutting it as quietly as possible. As she turned back to Dean he wasted no time, he scooped her up in his arms, kissing her hard. He couldn't get her shirt off fast enough, running his hands up and down her body, reacquainting himself with every inch of her. Mel was no different, she traced the contours of his body, remembered the hard lines of the muscles along his chest and down his arms. She intertwined her fingers with his as she laughed behind her kiss, pushing him towards her bed. Dean laughed back and grabbed her round her waist before falling on the bed. He rolled over so she was underneath him, he pushed back the hair from her eyes and just looked at her. It was the happiest he could ever remember being, all his happiest moments seemed to be with her. He lent in and kissed her again softly and with feeling, Mel kissed him back and let her feelings flow. They just made sense together, they just felt right. It had been nearly seven years but it didn't feel like they were just familiar, remembering old routines, it was different. It was like they were whole when they were one. Every touch, every kiss, every moment savoured, and all made out of love. Mel gasped as he hit her sweet spot and it didn't take long for Dean to do the same. She smiled at him and pulled him closer, kissing him softly as they rode out the high together. Dean nuzzled her neck and laughed, she giggled as she felt her whole body quiver with delight.  
"I missed that," she smiled over at him, now lying next to her,  
"Me too," Dean lent up on his elbow to look at her,  
"I think that was the quietest we've ever been," she laughed,  
"Well, it sure wasn't the longest," he gave her a cheeky grin.  
Mel shoved him playfully and pushed herself up, leaning back on her arms and bringing her face up to his. She kissed him one last time before rolling out of bed and making her way to the en suite bathroom. 

Mel turned the shower on and climbed in. She closed her eyes and felt the water flow over her. They could make it, they would make it, no matter how the pieces fell on the board. She smiled as she felt Dean climb in behind her, he put his arms around her stomach and his head on her should like he'd done that morning. They stood like that for a few minutes, each of them feeling the heat of the other, feeling the rise and fall of their bodies as they breathed and the touch of skin on skin.   
"What are we going to do?" Mel asked,  
"I don't know," Dean shook his head, and turned her to face him, "but whatever happens, wherever we are, together or apart, you'll never lose me, I'll always be yours," he smiled and lifted her chin up, kissing her softly and slowly, showing her how much he meant it. Mel smiled, tears in her eyes, she lent against his chest for a moment then reached up to give him a quick kiss on his cheek before she jumped out of the shower. Wrapping herself in a towel, Mel gave him a grin and headed back to the bedroom to get dressed.

Dean stood for a few more minutes under the warm running water, letting it wash over him and ease his aching muscles. His muscles always seemed to ache, he wasn't sure if it was the physical stress he always put himself under or the stress induced tension that had built up over time, either way it made it hard for him to truly relax. He thought about Lanie, about what he wanted, about where is heart was. He loved her more than he thought was possible, but he had no idea how to tell her that. And in the end, he wasn't even sure it would be enough. But nothing was absolute, he didn't have to leave and he didn't have to stay, he had no idea what to do for the best or where to go from here.

Mel sat on the edge of the bed, her heart heavy and her head aching. She knew Dean wasn't staying, Dean knew Dean wasn't staying, he just didn't want to believe it yet. She sighed to herself, why did she have to fall in love with such an idiot? Such an ass?! It wasn't his fault, it was who he was. Mel wasn't scared of him leaving, she was scared of what he might make that mean. She knew how selfless Dean could be, but how selfish he could be doing it sometimes. She had this horrible feeling that he'd make a whole motion about how it was best to be friends, and that these last few days were the best goodbye they could've had, because she knew he wouldn't want to think of her as waiting around for him. But she didn't see it that way, she hadn't been waiting for him before, hell she was hoping she'd never see him again, that was the point in running away pregnant! She reserved herself to going with the flow and seeing where they ended up, she wasn't sure she was going to like it but at least she could have a blast getting there.

Mel got dressed and was pretty much ready to head back downstairs when Dean emerged from the bathroom, towel around his waist and dripping wet. Mel swallowed the lump in her throat that formed at the sight of him and tried to control herself, she licked her lips slowly and then cleared her throat meeting Dean's eyes. He gave her a cheeky grin and winked which turned Mel bright red. She folded her arms, flustered that her behaviour was mirroring that of a teenage girl with a crush. All he'd have to do was drop the towel and she'd have melted into the floor like some pathetic mess, which made no sense considering what just happened between them.  
"You okay?" Dean asked, still grinning,  
"I'm fine, yes, thank you," Mel said, rolling her eyes at herself and her still flustered state,  
"You sure," he laughed,   
"Yes, I'm sure," she said with a huffy smile, then with barely a thought she lifted up her t-shirt and flashed him. Dean's face dropped and Mel watched him both mentally and physically react, he cleared his throat and looked at her as she pulled her shirt back down.  
"Feel better now?" He asked, raising his eyebrows in amused disapproval,   
"Much," Mel beamed at him and left the room. Dean shook his head laughing and followed her out, making for the spare room with all his stuff in. 

Mel headed back downstairs ahead of Dean, she figured they were more likely to maintain the ruse if they weren't always going off together or arriving together, not that it mattered much because Sammy was too young to notice and both Sam and Cas were keeping out of it, but it made Mel feel better. If she was going to have to live without Dean again soon, it was best not to get used to being a real couple. She nodded to herself at this thought before walking into the front room. Sammy was still curled up with Sam and looked like she might fall asleep, which Sam already had. Cas was still engrossed in the film on the T.V, which was no longer 'Tangled' but now 'Toy Story 3'. Mel smiled at them, and sat down to join in. 

Not long after, Dean also came in and sat on the other side of the couch from Mel. He looked at Sam and Sammy and couldn't help but feel happy. This was what he wanted, all five of them, together as a family. It was just a shame that it wasn't what he was going to get. Dean knew that even if he stayed, there was no way Sam or Cas would. He knew they expected him to stay and they wouldn't blame him if he did, but there was just something inside him that wasn't at peace with that, he wasn't finished yet, he couldn't explain it but he felt like he was letting Lanie and Sammy down by not leaving. Like he was taking himself out of the fight, and they were worth the fight. Dean knew in his heart he was leaving, as much as he wanted to pretend he was still choosing or still even had choices, in the end he knew. Lanie was the love of his life, the one person who knew him better than himself, he looked across at her and she smiled at him. Lanie had already figured it out, he could see it in her eyes, he just wasn't sure how he was supposed to tell Sammy.


	15. Fun Times

It wasn't too long before the film finished and everyone began stirring. Sammy noticed her parents sat on the couch and wiggled out from under Sam's arm so as not to disturb him. She came and sat between the two of them and looked from one to the other, smiling.  
"So what are we gonna do now?" She asked,  
"I dunno, but I did say we could do something," Dean said,  
"Can mommy come?" Sammy asked,  
"If she wants to," Dean smiled,  
"Do you want to mommy?" Sammy turned to Mel,  
"That depends on what you want to do," she said,  
"Uh...I want to go to the park," Sammy decided,  
"Ok, the park it is then," Dean nodded, "you coming Cas?"  
"No, I'll stay here with Sam," Cas said, "you go and have fun,"  
"Ok, thanks Cas," Dean said, he got up from his seat and Mel and Sammy followed him. They went and put their coats and shoes on then left the house and started walking towards the park. Sammy walked in the middle of them holding each of their hands, looking like the cat who got the cream. Dean and Mel looked across at each other and smiled. Something so simple, so mundane, so normal made all three of them ridiculously happy, Mel felt the tears sting her eyes again and refused to let them fall. Every moment counted so she'd make the most of each one while she could, she could cry when he left.

It didn't take long to get to the park, Sammy ran off straight away to climb on all the play equipment. There were slides and swings, climbing frames and roundabouts, see saws and zip wires, so much stuff that Dean was looking at it in amazement for a good few minutes.  
"This is a park?" Dean asked Lanie,  
"Yes, it's a park," she laughed,  
"There's so much stuff," his eyes were still wide,  
"I know, but there's so many kids so...it kinda makes sense," Mel smiled, she gestured to a bench and they went and sat down. Mel watched her daughter laugh and play, she felt sad knowing her smiles weren't going to last very long. Sammy wasn't going to take it well when Dean left, it was going to take some explaining and as smart as Sammy was, she was still only a kid, Mel wondered if she'd even be able to understand just a little bit. She cursed herself for allowing this to happen, she should have sent Sammy to Owen's and kept her from it, from the pain and the heart ache she was sure to endure, but without it she'd never have had this, she'd never have known who her father was and would have been forever missing a part of herself. Mel sighed inwardly, there was nothing she could do about it now, and there was only a very slight chance before anyway, Mel had to accept and believe that this was the way it was meant to be.  
"You're gonna have to tell her soon," Mel said quietly to Dean,  
"Tell her what?" Dean asked, feeling his heart drop,  
"That you're leaving," she looked at him and could see the pain he was in,  
"I can't, I don't know how," Dean blinked back tears, "I don't want her to hate me and...I don't..." He cleared his throat unable to get the words out,  
"You don't want to be the cause of her pain," Mel finished for him, "it rips your heart out watching her in pain, when you're the one who caused it, no matter how much of it...that's something else," Mel said from experience, she took his hand and squeezed it, "you'll hate yourself more than she'll hate you,"  
Dean sat quietly holding her hand, he breathed out a shaky breath.  
"Lanie...I..."  
"I know Dean," she said, and she did. She knew all of the reasons why he was leaving, why he couldn't stay, and for the most part she understood them. It was Dean, it was who he was and she wouldn't love him if he was any different despite how infuriating it that could be.   
"Will I lose you?" Dean looked at her, doing his best to keep it together,  
"That depends," she said,  
"On what?"  
"On you," Mel said as Sammy ran towards them with rosy red cheeks and a grin on her face from ear to ear.   
"Are you coming to play," she looked from one to the other,  
"Yeah, we're coming," Dean smiled at her like nothing was wrong and Mel shook her head at his wonderful but dysfunctional way of being able to slap a smile on and bury his problems so deep within him. She wondered then if he ever really dealt with any problem and was pretty sure she already knew the answer. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon at the park and it was the most fun Mel had had in years. They played 'King of the Castle' which Dean won and wouldn't stop gloating about, and they played 'tag' around the whole park, getting questionable looks from some parents as they were jumping and running all over the playground. They'd been playing for so long that eventually they had a few kids and then parents join in too which made the game that much better. Dean fitted in to their lives and their community like a glove, it just seemed to work. No one was unsure, no one wondered where he came from or what he was doing there, and it was probably for the most part because when him and Lanie were together, they brought out the lighter side of themselves. The town hadn't seen Mel laugh and smile the way she was doing right now since she'd moved there, and it was a genuine, happy smile, not caused by anything other than fun. Mel realised it had been years since she felt this free and this alive, she realised how little fun she'd had since she left Sam and Dean. Sure, she'd laughed and played with Sammy, and she'd been so happy with just the two of them, but she'd never realised till now that it was different to this. Being her parent meant they had fun, but it meant she had to watch her and keep her safe, that it was her job to make Sammy laugh and smile and have fun, and when Sammy was doing all those things she was too, but it had been a very long while since she'd had fun for fun's sake, since she'd had fun for herself.

Mel giggled as Dean picked her up around her waist with one arm and span her around. She laughed out of breath as he told her she was 'it' and ran away. She saw Sammy running too, and the two of them met up by the slide and climbing frame. They were in cahoots, a proper couple of trouble makers. By now they'd gone back to playing just the three of them, it had gotten late and so the other families who'd joined in had all left one by one and made for home. Mel ran sideways and ducked behind a large climbing frame, hiding was her only option. As she peeked around from it she could see Dean and Sammy running hand in hand towards a different frame, Mel ducked and dived her way towards them, doing a pretty good job of going unseen. She managed to get to the same frame as they were at, she could hear Sammy giggling the other side of the wall. She quickly and quietly circled around to see Dean trying to scope out where she might be. Mel took the opportunity and ran, tagging him as she went past. Dean yelled and followed after her, laughing. There was no way she could stay ahead of him, especially as tired as she was. Dean came up behind her and picked her up making her shriek, he had both his arms around her waist this time and twirled her around. Sammy came running up to them as Dean put Mel's feet back on the ground. He lent his head on her shoulder and smiled at Sammy.  
"It's getting late bird, we need to go home," he said,  
"But I don't wanna go home, we're having fun," Sammy's face dropped,  
"Yeh we are, but we need to eat, and we need to go see Uncle Sam and Uncle Cas," Dean was less used to calling Sam and Cas 'uncle' than he was being called 'daddy',  
"But..." Sammy started,  
"No buts, come on," Dean held out his hand and Sammy reluctantly took it, Mel looked at him in surprise, and he smiled at her. He took Mel's hand in his as he spun he round to face the right direction and didn't let go as they headed home.

Mel decided on the way back that they'd stop in the chip shop so she didn't have to make anything for tea. It had gotten a lot later than she'd realised and it was past Sammy's usual bedtime. Once they'd picked up tea they made their way home, Sam and Cas were pleased to see them and even more pleased to see the food they'd managed to bring. Everyone sat in the front room, devouring their meals and satisfying their hunger. Mel made Sammy go and get her pyjamas on once she'd finished hers and then let her snuggle up on Dean where she fell asleep. Dean picked her up gently and carried her into her room. He lay her on the bed and tucked her in.   
"I'm real sorry about tomorrow bird," he kissed her forehead and gently moved her hair off her face, "I love you Sammy," he let a tear slide down his cheek before he brushed it away and got up to leave. He looked back as he shut the door, leaving it open just a crack. Lanie was right, again. It was hard to imagine anyone hating him as much as he hated himself right now, and that was saying something. Dean was already well versed in the self-loathing stuff, but this was a whole new kind. He sighed heavily and made his way back downstairs.


	16. Set in Stone

Dean sat on the other end of the couch from Mel. They were both exhausted from the park but it had been the fun they'd needed and had shown them both what they had together, even if they hadn't realised it yet. Sam looked over at the two of them at opposite ends, he raised his eyebrows at Dean as he caught his glance.  
"What?" frowned Dean,  
"Nothing," said Sam, "it's just...you two seem a bit far apart that's all," Sam shrugged,  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dean glared at him,  
"Nothing, I just figured you were, you know, together..."  
"We don't know what we are," Mel said,  
"Well, what do you wanna be?" Sam asked,  
"We haven't talked about it yet," Dean said,  
"I didn't ask if you had," Sam chuckled,  
"That's kind of a personal conversation..." Dean started, a little irritably,  
"Yeah I know, one where you share feelings and stuff," Sam looked blatantly at Dean and Mel stifled a laugh,   
"And?! I can talk about that stuff,"  
"Yeah, when someone forces you to," Sam said, "and even then it's hit or miss if you're honest,"   
"I'd be honest with Lanie," Dean growled, "I wouldn't have much choice, it's like she can see right through me," he added sulkily,   
"Sorry, it's just, you know, maybe you'd have more chance of making it as a couple if you actually tried acting like a couple, and not just when you're alone," Sam shrugged,  
"Who said we wanna be a couple?" Both Dean and Mel asked almost simultaneously,   
"No one had to," Sam laughed as he looked at their frowning faces, "I'm just saying...how're you gonna share a bed if you can't sit next to each other on a couch?"   
"Why would we be sharing a bed?" Mel asked, confused,  
"Because I'm not sleeping on this couch another night just cause you two can't get it together quick enough," Sam said seriously, "I'm gonna sleep in a bed tonight, so...looks like you're sharing," he smiled for effect and turned back to the TV. Mel and Dean looked at each other and frowned in amusement, they weren't quite sure what happened there but the outcome was definitely something they felt they could live with. Mel moved up the couch to get a better view of the TV and took Sam's advice, maybe just giving in and letting it happen wasn't such a bad thing, maybe in the long run it would mean they did stand more of a chance. She wriggled her way under Dean's arm and lay with her head on his chest, the feeling of home was almost overwhelming that it took every ounce of strength not to start begging him to stay. She knew then that she'd never find this with anyone else, and if it meant hanging onto Dean for dear life, no matter how that life paned out, it was worth it.

An hour or two later Sam decided he was tired and for the first time since he got to Mel's he lifted himself up off the couch without help and began walking slowly but surely towards the stairs. Dean and Mel were behind him, unable to let him go it totally alone just yet, but neither of them offered him help or tried to get in the way. They both knew how stubborn Sam could be but he was far more sensible than Dean about it, he would at least ask for help if he needed it. Sam managed to make it all the way to the bedroom and sat down on the bed that was previously Dean's. Mel knelt down next to him and checked his wound, it had bled a little but nothing major, it was pretty normal for the task Sam had just endured. Mel changed his dressing quickly and let him get to bed. She walked into her own bedroom to find Dean already asleep on the bed, fully clothed and on top of the covers. She laughed to herself as she went and moved him, pulling the covers out from under him without disturbing his sleep; she knew she'd become a nurse for some reason. She also managed to take most of his clothes off too, she'd forgotten how heavily Dean slept when he did actually sleep, which wasn't often. Mel put her pyjamas on and climbed in next to him, pulling the covers over them and snuggling in. On instinct Dean wriggled forwards and wrapped her up in his arms. She fell asleep quickly listening to his breathing and feeling the rise and fall of his chest. She laughed sardonically to herself, at least she knew what her version of heaven would look like when she got there, if only she could come up with a way to make heaven a place on earth, now that would be something.

They both woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. Dean knew he'd have to tell Sammy what was happening and Mel knew how much it was going to hurt them both. Before they could even say good morning Sammy burst through the door and stopped short when she realised Dean was in the bed too. She frowned slightly then carried on running and jumped in the middle.  
"I'm awake!" She giggled,  
"You don't say," Dean smiled at her and wrapped her in his arms,  
"Are you getting up yet?" She asked,  
"In a minute," he was still dozing,  
"Why are you in mommy' bed?" Sammy asked with a frown, starting to think,  
"And I'm up!" Dean smiled and immediately got out of bed, Sammy bounded out after him while Mel smirked but remained in bed still waking up a bit. She relished having a few extra minutes; being a single mom meant doing it all by herself so it wasn't often that Sammy was ever not home and she certainly never slept in.   
"Can we make pancakes again?" Sammy asked Dean,  
"No!" Mel yelled, her head still on the pillow and her eyes still closed,  
"Uh...no, I think we should stick to simple today," Dean chuckled as he followed Sammy out of the room. 

They went into the kitchen and Dean found some bowls and some cereal. He sat and nodded to Sammy as she spoke, still not awake enough to do much more than that. After breakfast they went into the front room where Dean put the TV on and sat cuddled up with her whilst she watched her favourite programme and Dean fell in and out of sleep. He wasn't sure how to tell her he couldn't stay, he was still trying to think of the words, to find a way to explain it so it wouldn't be as hard for her, but no matter which way he thought about it, she was going to hurt and it was because of him. Whilst he was still deep in thought, drifting in and out of sleep, Sam came shuffling into the room. He groaned a little as he sat down forcing Dean awake.  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, just a bit stiff is all, I'm tryin' to be careful and not tear my stitches, Mel will kill me if I do that, I can see it in her eyes," Sam laughed,  
"You're right about that," Dean nodded,  
"Besides, I'm hoping if I can move around okay today, on my own, and not rip any, I can leave tomorrow," Sam looked solemnly at his brother,   
"Sounds good, good luck persuading Lanie you should leave that early,"   
"The only reason she's not gonna wanna let me go is because you're hell bent on coming with me," Sam said, Dean glared at him gesturing to Sammy who thankfully hadn't heard him, "Sorry, it's just...I can't believe you are...you shouldn't be...you're an idjit as Bobby would say," Sam smiled at the memory their old friend,  
"I know I am, and it's something I can't explain, it's just something I have to do," Dean said,  
"No, you can explain it, you just choose not to," Sam said, and before Dean had chance to respond Mel walked in. 

"Morning," she said, handing out coffee and taking a seat next to Sam,  
"How did you sleep?" Mel asked him,  
"Great actually, much better than the night before last," he smiled,  
"That's good, you okay if I check your stitches?"   
"Yeah, go for it," Sam put his coffee down and pulled his shirt up so Mel could see his bandages. She gently peeled them away to see his wound still clean and starting to heal. She changed the dressing anyway and sat back up to finish her own drink.   
"So, can I leave tomorrow?" He asked, pleased with himself,  
"Yes, providing you steer clear of any and all 'cases' for at least two more weeks, and you promise to call if something happens or goes wrong, say...in the event that you did not follow my first rule," Mel smiled grimly at him, knowing exactly what he was like,  
"I promise," Sam nodded,  
"Okay then, I will let you go," she said, not particularly happy seen as he needed a lot more rest. Unfortunately Sammy had heard most of the last part of their conversation and turned with sad eyes to Sam, "you're leaving?" She said,  
"Yeah, I gotta get back to work and stuff," he said, "but I'll come and see you a lot, I promise,"  
"It won't be the same though," she said quietly,  
"I know Sammy, I'm sorry," Sam sighed, he felt awful, how the hell was Dean gonna do this. He looked over at Dean who blew out a breath and blinked back tears.  
"Hey Sammy?" Dean said,  
"Yeah?" She turned to him,  
"Do you wanna go play in the back yard? I kinda need to talk to you about something," Dean said a little shakily,  
"Sure, what do you wanna play?"   
"Whatever you like," Dean tried to smile as he followed her out. He glanced at Lanie as he walked through the door, she nodded to him. He had to tell her, but he wasn't sure he could anymore. He sighed realising he had no choice, it was either that or be a coward and the dead-beat dad he never wanted to be. He went and sat on the grass, gesturing to Sammy to come and sit next to him. She looked up him with her bright green, wide eyes and it took every ounce of strength he had to start talking; he'd seen and done a lot of things but this by far was the hardest and the one that sucked the most.


	17. Problem

"Okay, so...there's something I need to tell you," Dean started,   
"What daddy?" Sammy wasn't making this easy,  
"I uh...well..." Dean cleared his throat, tears in his eyes, "when Uncle Sam leaves tomorrow, I...uh...I've got to go with him,"  
"Okay, but then you'll be back right?" She frowned,  
"Not for a little while," Dean looked over at her fallen face,  
"But why?" She said sadly,  
"Because I have to keep fighting, I have to keep helping people,"  
"So help people here, like we do!" Sammy cried,  
"I can't do that bird, that's not me," Dean shook his head, "I'm sorry, I know it's hard to understand but..."  
"But you promised," Sammy said quietly,  
"What?"  
"You promised...that I got you, that you weren't going anywhere," Sammy started crying,  
"Hey hey hey," Dean picked her up and put her on his lap, he cuddled her into him, "you still do, I might be going somewhere else but I will always be here for you, and I'll always come back, I promise that too," Dean couldn't hold his tears back anymore, "Sammy, I'm so sorry, it's just something I gotta do,"  
"But why? What did we do wrong?" Sammy asked through stilted breaths, her face still buried in Dean's chest,  
"What?! You didn't do anything wrong!" Dean pulled her away from him to look in her eyes, "Sammy, I love you like nothing else, nothing is gonna change that, the only thing you do is make me happy and I would give anything to stay here with you..."  
"Then stay!" She cried,  
"I can't, I just...I can't," Dean's tears were still falling,   
"But why?! I don't understand why?!"   
"I don't know how to explain it Sammy, I just can't stay," he almost pleaded with her,  
"Maybe you just don't want to!" She screamed at him as she pushed him away and ran back into the house.  
"Sammy!" Dean yelled and followed her in, she ran up the stairs to her room screaming for him to leave her alone. 

Dean felt his heart tear in two and then shatter as he heard Sammy's bedroom door slam shut. He ran a hand through his hair and turned on the spot a few times, breathing hard. He was so angry with himself, what the hell was wrong with him?! He was close to putting a hole in the wall when Mel came out of the front room to find him.  
"Hey, HEY!" She yelled at him, breaking through his bubble, she ran her hands down his arms to calm him and forced him to look her in the eyes, "didn't go so well huh?"  
"She hates me, like really hates me," he shook his head, tears falling down his face,  
"She doesn't hate you, she just wants you to stay, it's the subconscious way children emotionally manipulate you to get what they want," she gave him a small smile,  
"What's wrong with me Lanie? Why can't I just..." He broke off, not sure how to finish,  
"There a lot wrong with you Dean Winchester, but you wouldn't be you if there wasn't," she squeezed his shoulder as she moved past him and up the stairs towards Sammy. 

Mel knocked on Sammy's bedroom door and walked in. Sammy was lying across her bed, her little body wracked with tears. Mel sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, she picked her daughter up and cuddled her in. She sat and waited for her to calm, just stroking her hair and rocking her gently.  
"He's leaving," Sammy finally said through heaving sobs,  
"I know," Mel replied,  
"You were wrong, he doesn't love me like you said,"   
Mel pushed Sammy away to look at her face, "Samantha Mary Jessica Reynolds! I know you're upset but that is quite enough! You know that's not true, so don't you dare start trying to convince yourself it is just to hurt him,"  
"Then why is he leaving?" Sammy looked at her mother defiantly,  
"You remember what I said a little while ago, about having that feeling, the one that tells you what to do, and if you're doing the right or wrong thing?"   
"Uh-huh, it sinks when you know you're doing the wrong thing,"  
"Yes, that's the one, well...that's why your daddy has to leave, he's got that feeling right in the pit of his stomach, like he hasn't finished something he started, like he needs to get to the end of that journey before he can really stay on this one with us," Mel sighed, "it's who he is Sammy, it's not in him to stay put when he knows there's more out there to fight, and with you, knowing about you...he's found something worth fighting for,"   
"But I don't want him to fight for me, I want him to stay with me," a few more tears fell down her face as she looked up at Mel with sad eyes, the exact copy of those eyes were doing the same thing stood the other side of the door. Dean listened, he hoped and he realised then how much he didn't deserve Lanie, that she could do so much better than him.   
"You're daddy is a very complicated man," Mel smiled at Sammy, "so complicated in fact, that even he can't figure himself out...he's not going to feel like he can protect you if he doesn't know what's coming, and there is always something coming Sammy, he has to stay in the fight until he can see with his own eyes that there is nothing left to fight,"  
"But when will that be?"  
"I don't know chick, I really don't know," Mel hugged Sammy close to her again and let a few of her tears fall too, "but I'm betting it won't be soon," she whispered.

Dean silently walked back down the stairs and left Lanie and Sammy to it. He rubbed his face a few times before walking into the front room. Sam and Cas both looked at him and raised their eyebrows expectantly.  
"It did not go well," Dean said and fell onto the couch,  
"So...?" Sam asked,  
"So it didn't go well!" Dean snapped, "I don't want to talk about it,"  
"And there's your problem Dean, you never want to talk about it," Sam stalked out of the room as best he could.   
"Dean, you don't have to do this," Cas looked at him, "you can stay, you can choose to be here, you can choose you for once,"   
"No, I can't," he met Cas's gaze with a pained and saddening look, "it's the way I was raised," he gave a bitter half laugh, "it's my job to sacrifice everything,"  
"It doesn't have to be,"   
"Yeah it does," Dean shut his eyes, "unless you have a cure for over twenty years worth of conditioning by a mad man?" Cas was silent. "Thought not,"   
"I thought you loved your father," Cas said and Dean opened his eyes to look him,  
"I did, I do...but it's times like this, moments where I have to choose between the life I want and life I have...and he made it so I had no choice," Dean shrugged, "I was so young when mom died, I didn't stand a chance when he starting dumping all his crap on me...I know now, I can see...I didn't deserve it, doesn't stop it from always being there...there are some things you can't undo, and I can't undo the fact that the only thing my father taught me, the thing that he drilled into me, was that protecting other people was worth the cost of my life and my hopes and dreams...and only mine,"   
"Dean..." Cas started,  
"Nah, it's cool, I'm good...I'm over it, it's just something I have to live with now, you know? He never meant for it to go this far, for all the shit he threw at me to have this kind of an impact, it just did...I forgave him a long time ago, I'm not even sure he really understood what he did to me," Dean sighed and got up, "I'm goin' for a walk, clear my head," 

Sammy pulled away from her mom and wiped her eyes. Mel brushed the hair off her tear stained face and kissed her forehead.  
"You can't leave things like this," Mel looked at Sammy,  
"Like what?"  
"You have to tell him how much you love him, and make the most of the short amount of time you've got together,"   
"Maybe he'll stay if I don't,"  
"Sweetie, he's not going to stay, there is nothing you can do to make him, because this isn't about you, it's about him,"   
"But I thought all parents loved their kids more than themselves?" Sammy frowned,  
"We do...but there is a difference to being our number one priority and always getting what you want," Mel gave her a look,  
"I know," Sammy sighed, "I just still don't understand,"  
"I know chick, you might never understand..." Mel thought carefully about how far she could go, "your dad was raised by a great man, but he wasn't always the best father...the way we are with you and what we teach you when you're young like you are now, it affects you for the rest of life, and your daddy was taught a whole bunch of stuff he shouldn't have been...and it means he can't always do the things he wants to, and he can't be happy just giving it all up and staying with us even though it really is what he wants...do you understand that?" Mel looked cautiously at Sammy,  
"So, if he stays he won't be able to be really happy?" She asked, trying to work it out,  
"Kind of, he'd have lots of happy moments but he'd always feel something wasn't quite right," Mel felt she might be getting somewhere,  
"But if he leaves, he won't be happy either though, because we'd be here and he wouldn't be," Sammy said,  
"Well...yeah I suppose so," Mel frowned, now she was getting confused,  
"So he can't be happy doing either," she looked so sad that it pulled on Mel's heart strings,   
"Not right now, no, but if he leaves then someday he'll be able to come home and stay for good, and then he'll be happy for good too and it will feel right,"   
"Why didn't he just say all those things though? Why couldn't he tell me?"   
"Well, your dad is very good at a lot of things, talking about his feelings is not one of them, he finds it hard enough trying to work them out," Mel smiled at Sammy, so pleased and proud of her daughter that she was trying to understand such a difficult thing. Sammy looked at Mel and frowned slightly, like she was thinking something.   
"Mommy?" She asked,  
"Yes chick,"  
"Why can't daddy do both?"  
"What d'you mean?"   
"Well, he doesn't have to stay for us to be a proper family,"  
"I don't think he sees that, he doesn't see the difference between choosing to leave and choosing to be a family,"   
"Maybe you need to show him," Sammy gave her a deep, meaningful look, like she was trying to convey something beyond her years.   
Mel sighed and nodded at her, "I think I might," she gave Sammy a quick smile, not sure what good it would do,  
"You need to try mommy, and really believe it, we can do it, we can all make each other happy, but only if we stick together, even if it means not always being next to each other,"  
Mel looked at her daughter, amazed at her understanding of the world and her life within it. Mel started to believe again, believe in the vision she saw of them, of them together and truly happy.


	18. Solution

Mel followed Sammy back down the stairs, Sam and Cas were in the kitchen sorting out some lunch. It was only then that Mel realised how hungry she was and what a long morning it had been.  
"Where's Dean?" She asked as she lifted Sammy onto a stool,  
"He went for a walk," Cas said,  
"How long ago did he leave?" Mel said,  
"Maybe ten, twenty minutes ago," Cas shrugged,  
"Are you guys ok here if I go and find him?" Mel didn't wait for the reply before putting on her coat and shoes, totally forgetting her hunger,  
"Sure, but how're you gonna do that? You don't know which way he went," Sam frowned,  
"No, but I know Dean and I know this town," she smiled and gave Sammy a quick kiss on her forehead before dashing out the front door.

Mel took a left and jogged down the street, she knew Dean would head in a direction he'd already been so she figured she just needed to catch up to him before he hit the park and carried on walking. Sure enough she rounded the corner to the park and saw Dean in the distance making his way into the small woods just beyond it. Mel picked up her pace a bit and went to catch him up. She slowed to his pace as she walked up beside him, catching her breath for a minute before starting a conversation.  
"So...she doesn't hate you if that helps," Mel gave him a small sideways smile, waiting for him to reply,  
"She should," Dean sighed, "so should you,"  
"Well I don't so get over it," Mel said bluntly,  
"Lanie, I don't deserve you, and I sure as hell don't deserve you sat at home waiting for me," Dean stopped to face her, "you know, I've been thinking...maybe the best thing to do for everyone is for us to just be..."  
"I will hit you," Mel cut him off,  
"What?"  
"I'm serious, I will hit you if you finish that sentence,"  
"But...what if you meet someone who would always be there for you and for Sammy, who would be consistent and never leave, who would be able to provide for and protect you both, who stands a lot less chance of screwing life up for you, who would make you happy? But you don't take the chance because of me?"  
"Okay Dean, I'm only going to say this once," Mel sighed, "it doesn't matter how many people I meet none of them could do all of that, they couldn't make me happy, they wouldn't be you," she shrugged at him with a mini-smile, "I can't be friends with you Dean, I won't be, I'm in love with you and I want more than that,"  
Dean looked shocked at her bold and sudden admission of her feelings. Sure, he knew Lanie loved him, he loved her, but neither of them had ever said that out loud, he didn't think they ever would. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and turned away slightly, not sure what to say or do. He gave Lanie a sideways glance and couldn't help but smile. He could see in her eyes that she wasn't waiting for him to say it back, she wasn't hoping or wishing because she already knew; he felt his heart swell for the millionth time since he'd been there, the overwhelming love he felt for her hit him hard. She was one in a billion; Lanie was something else, she amazed him constantly and he had no idea what he'd done that made him lucky enough to call her his. But it still didn't change the fact that he couldn't do what she was asking, he couldn't stay.  
"I don't know how to give you more," Dean dropped his arm defeatedly,  
"Just because you have to leave, it doesn't mean we can't be together, it doesn't mean we can't still be a family," Mel said defiantly, unwilling to give up so easily,  
"Well, how do you propose we 'have it all' as they say," Dean said sarcastically,  
"For a start we drop the 'it can't be done' attitude, along with the 'I don't deserve to be happy' and 'I'm not good enough for you' mindset," she folded her arms at him and raised her eyebrows,  
"Wha...?" Dean's mouth fell open, "say what you feel you know! Don't hold back!"  
"I'm not, I won't get what I want if I do,"  
"Oh really? And what is it you want?" Dean folded his arms too,  
"You," Mel said simply,  
"But...Lanie...I can't stay!" Dean flung his arms wide in exasperation,  
"I know! I wasn't asking you to!" It was Mel's turn to fling her arms around, "but you don't have to stay to be with me, to be a family with us," she gave him a serious look,  
"How are we supposed to be a family if I'm never there? How is that a good environment to raise a family?"  
"I'm not saying it would be ideal, I'm just saying it would at least be a happy family," she sighed, "what if you didn't stay but you didn't really go either, what if our home was your home too? So when you finish up cases and are in between helping people, you come home to us? And by that I don't mean you drag your feet through the door and sulk the whole time you're there because you feel like you shouldn't be, or you're putting us in danger or you don't want to leave again," she sighed again and locked eyes with his, "what if we all agree to be happy with who we are, we all love each other for who we are so its not really much of a stretch; but you would come home to us and even if you're leaving a lot, it would never really be leaving, and it wouldn't ever be a goodbye, more like a 'see you when I get back', we can make it work Dean, I know we can, Sammy knows we can, hell it was her idea!"  
"It was her idea?"  
"Yeah, I was trying to explain to her why you had to leave and for the most part she did understand it, but then she started asking questions and I couldn't give her a good enough reason why we couldn't make this work because I don't actually have one, so..." Mel shrugged, "here I am trying to convince you of the same thing,"  
"You keep saying I have to leave, you've never said I want to, you really do get it, don't you?" Dean was frowning at her,  
"Well yeah, I get you Dean," she looked at him like he was crazy,  
"So then you also know..." He moved towards her slowly closing the gap between them, "that I'm not gonna be able to explain to our six year old daughter why her ingenious idea won't work, because I also do not have a reasonable explanation other than I'd be a total jackass if I didn't at least wanna give it a shot,"  
"Pretty much, yeah," she nodded, smiling at him,  
"I love you Lanie," Dean said and kissed her as she gasped in shock. She felt the tears spring to her eyes and fall down her cheeks, but for the first time since he'd been back, they were tears of joy and happiness. Dean put his arms around her waist and ran a hand up her back, pushing her in tight to him. She kissed him back full force and felt all the love he poured into his kiss wash over her. 

Dean pulled away and gave her one small kiss before taking her hand and continuing to walk into the woods. They both remained fairly quiet, just enjoying their new found common ground. Mel couldn't stop smiling and it seemed infectious because Dean couldn't stop either. They got most of the way around the path before Dean spoke up.  
"So, you're really ok with me leaving but staying?" He asked, still in slight disbelief,  
"Uh-huh, I don't want to be with anyone else anyway, I'd rather be alone some nights and have you, than alone every night without you," she smiled as Dean kissed the back of her hand he was holding,  
"You are definitely something else Melanie Reynolds, I don't know what I did right but damn did I do it really right," he chuckled,  
"Now that's the attitude I'm talking about," she chuckled along too,  
"I'm serious though," he turned to her and looked at her meaningfully, "I want this to work more than anything, you and Sammy mean more to me than anyone, and for you I will trust that you're telling me the truth and you do want a life where I run in and out all the time, but I _know ___you are far too good for me," Dean felt tears fill his eyes and he tried desperately to blink them back, "I don't deserve for you to love me like you do, but I promise I'll do all it takes to become the man that does,"  
Mel took his face in her hands and stroked her thumbs over his forehead. She shook her head at him and gave him a small but loving smile.  
"Dean Winchester, the only thing in this world that makes me as sad as seeing Sammy cry, is knowing that you'll never be able to see yourself the way that I do," a tear slipped down Mel's cheek as she lent in and kissed him again, softly but with as much feeling as she could muster. Dean scooped her up and hugged her tightly, not ever wanting to let go of her, of this moment. Lanie was the only woman he'd ever truly love, he knew that, he'd known it for a long long time, but he also knew she was the only woman that would truly love him in return even though she knew all of him, all of who he was. To Dean, he wasn't much short of being a monster like the ones he hunted, he didn't deserve to be saved. Lanie was the only person in the world who really understood why and still loved him, not despite it but for it. Lanie saw the whole of him, all the good and the bad, all the love and the hate, the evil and the not-so-evil, she loved all of him, he could see it in her eyes. She never wanted to change him, she'd never tried to either. Lanie accepted him for who he was, for all his faults and bad habits as much as his perfections and good ones, she loved him for all of them too. But no matter how hard she might try, Dean would never see himself as anything other than a monster, a man trying to save himself by attempting to do the right thing but always ending up doing the wrong one, something which eventually made him realise he might not be worth saving at all. 

Mel knew how Dean saw himself, she even understood why he saw himself that way, she just hated that she couldn't change it. She'd never even bothered to try, knowing it would have been futile the minute she met him. Mel remembered the first time she ever met Dean, when Jessica died. 

Over eight years ago... 

"Sam! Sam!" Mel ran through the crowds trying to find him, she stopped short as she saw him stood at the back of an ambulance talking to a police officer. Mel ran over and looked him up and down.  
"Sam what the hell happened?!" Mel took in his singed clothes and sooty face and hair, "where's Jessica?"  
"Jess...uh...she...she got caught...in the...in the fire," Sam choked back tears,  
"Well where is she? Is she on the way to the hospital or something?" Mel already knew the answer but she couldn't help not believing it,  
"No..." Sam shook his head, tears starting to escape and fall down his cheeks, "I'm so sorry Mel,"  
Mel pulled him in tight for a hug, tears falling thick and fast down her face, her body wracked with tears, unable to control herself, "it's not your fault Sam, you didn't do this to her," she said as she pulled away, Sam shook his head as if agreeing but wouldn't meet her eye. It was the first inkling she had into her ability to read the Winchesters. Before she could argue with him a dark haired, green eyed man in a leather jacket came up behind them.  
"Hey Sammy, I gotta head, you gonna be ok?"  
"Uh, just give me a second Dean, I wanna talk to you about something," Sam looked back at Mel, "I'm sorry Mel, I need to go talk to my brother,"  
"Wha..? Your brother?" Mel frowned, never having heard about a brother before, "okay...but what happened here? What started the fire?" She could tell something funky was going on but it was the look Sam shared with his brother that confirmed it.  
"I uh, I don't know, no one's spoken to me yet," he shrugged, still avoiding eye contact,  
"Okay, well, I'll be here when you get back," Mel nodded,  
"Okay, thanks Mel, I'm really really sorry," tears slid down his cheeks again as be caught his breath,  
"Me too," 

Mel waited a few minutes for the brother's to disappear into the crowd before running to her car and grabbing her rucksack from it. She'd been out of town so most of her worldly possessions were in her car, since her parents died she'd become less attached to material stuff and more attached to the idea of running away whenever she felt like it. Jess was the only thing that stopped her from really doing it and now she was gone. Mel knew something wasn't right with Sam, and it was definitely to do with Jess, she wanted in and and she wanted answers. She stuffed a few clothes and sentimental crap in the rucksack and slung it over her shoulder then headed in the direction Sam and his brother were going in. It didn't take long for her to find them, rummaging around in the trunk of a Chevy Impala. Mel ducked down quietly and opened a back passenger door, sliding in undetected. She shoved her bag under her head and lay in the foot wells along the floor. Sam and Dean got in the car and the engine roared to life, it was one of the most beautiful things Mel had ever heard and being on the floor she could feel the vibrations ripple through her body, it felt really good and Mel blew out a breath quietly to regain control of herself and assess her surroundings. Unfortunately for her, Dean turned around to back the car out and of course, noticed her. Before she could move he'd turned the engine off and was on top of her, a knife at her throat. Mel realised she probably should have been terrified but there was something in his eyes that made her feel safer than she'd felt in forever. She frowned at herself and forced it deep into her head, forgetting all about it until it was too late.  
"What are you doing in my car?" He glared at her,  
"Woah, Dean! Calm down! She's just a friend, Jess's best friend actually," Sam explained,  
"She's in my car," Dean wouldn't let up, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bottle of water, spraying her with it,  
"Woah! What the...? What was that for?" She glared at him, and then without thinking added, "if you wanted to get me wet you should have said so, your car already did it,"  
Sam raised his eyebrows at her in contempt but couldn't help smirk as Dean squirmed a bit, usually a ladies man he wasn't used to dealing with girls like Mel and their brashness.  
"It's Holy water," Dean got up and climbed out of the car, pulling Mel with him,  
"Dean!" Sam yelled as he also got out of the car, "don't..."  
"What were you doing in my car?" Dean asked Mel,  
"Something's off about Jess and the fire, and you two, I want to know what's going on," Mel crossed her arms over her chest and looked defiantly at the brothers,  
"Mel, you don't want to know, trust me, please, just know that we're gonna do everything in our power to make things right," Sam pleaded,  
"Can you bring Jess back?"  
"No, but..."  
"How can you truly make things right then, if she died in a house fire? Unless of course, it wasn't just a house fire..." She looked at them expectantly,  
"She's quick, I'll give her that," Dean said,  
"Mel," Sam turned back to her after glaring at Dean, "please just leave this alone, we grew up surrounded by this weird crap, don't get dragged down by it too,"  
"Okay here's the thing, you can tell me what's really going on and I'll make my own mind up as to whether I wanna do something about it, or you can drive off and I'll start digging around all by myself, probably getting myself killed along the way,"  
"Jess was killed by a demon, with yellow eyes," Dean said, giving her a deadpan look,  
"Dean!" Sam cried,  
"What? You want her to die? I'm not too fussed myself, I just figured you were friends," Dean said, Sam gave him a look which said he couldn't argue but he didn't like it,  
"Carry on," Mel looked at them bluntly, still with her arms folded,  
"The same demon killed our mom when Sam was six months old, it's been a family mission since then to kill the son-of-a-bitch, but we haven't seen him in years, not till now,"  
"How did Jess die?" Mel asked,  
"She was pinned to the ceiling and then burst into flames," Dean was frowning at her now, "none of this makes you nauseous, queasy, scared, blows your mind?"  
"What kind of girls are you into?" She laughed,  
"The normal kind," Dean said,  
"I highly doubt that," Mel grinned, "so where do we go next?"  
" _We ___don't go anywhere, you're staying here, you don't want to sacrifice the normal life you have to do what we do, trust me," Dean sighed, there was definitely something about this girl, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, she was different somehow, he would have said special but he knew better than to think that,  
"No, I'm coming with you, normal is overrated," she said seriously,  
"No, your not," Dean growled,  
"Yes I am, I'm not being told what I can and can't do by some guy who reeks of self-righteous self-loathing, not to mention half a ton of daddy issues, plus the whole built in emotional barrier thing that's designed to stop you feeling anything but doesn't actually work so you just deny everything instead...yeah, you're a healthy and sane human being! I'm not taking orders from you..."  
"What are you?! Like some psychology major or something?! And what do you think turned me into all that in the first place?!" Dean was pissed,  
"Please, you don't need a psychology major to read you, and I'll be fine, you're a great example of what not to do,"  
"You're definitely not coming with us," Dean turned away and went to get back in the car,  
"I'm going after this thing with or without you," Mel looked at them both, "so it's up to you whether you want to dramatically increase my chances of survival,"  
"I'm good thanks," Dean got in the car and turned the engine on,  
"Get in the car Mel," Sam sighed as he went around and sat in the passenger seat next to Dean,  
"You let her come?! What's wrong with you?!" Dean huffed, pulling away and making for the campus exit,  
"You seriously have to ask that? You're hunters right? There's a lot wrong with you," Mel said as they both looked at her with wide eyes,  
"How'd you know about that?" Sam asked,  
"Yeah, and here I thought college chicks were supposed to walk around in short shorts and tank tops, teasing the guys and having pillow fights in their underwear? Not to mention where all that leads..." Dean shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road,  
"Sweetheart, I don't do shorts," Mel grinned at Dean then frowned at him, "and how much porn do you watch?"  
"How'd you know what hunters are?" Sam cut across them before they got into a lengthy conversation about all Dean's bad habits, once you started talking about one they all seemed to link together, and he had a few to say the least.  
"Uh...well..." Mel shifted in her seat a little, "my major is in history, more specifically mythology and ancient lore, so...I've met a few doing some research,"  
"And..." Dean looked at her through the rear view mirror,  
"And what?" Mel said stubbornly,  
"You aren't the only one good at reading people,"  
"Uh, my parents died a few years back, car accident apparently..." Mel faltered,  
"Not so much huh?" Dean said, still glancing at her,  
"No...turns out they were run off the road by a group of vampires," Mel shrugged,  
"How did I not know that?" Sam frowned,  
"Yeah, I wonder, cause you talk about the demon who killed your mom all the time," she said, her words laced with sarcasm, Dean smirked a little, despite himself he kind of liked this girl,  
"Sorry, about your parents, that sucks," Dean said,  
"Thanks," Mel nodded and carried on, "I knew something was odd about the whole thing, I wouldn't stop digging around, a guy came to see me, told me what happened, that he'd dealt with the vamps but he was too late to help my parents, he told me to leave it alone or I'd end up like them, so I did, I was only seventeen at the time, I didn't know anything or what I was doing..."  
"And you do now?" Sam asked,  
"I know more than I did, and I know I can't sit around and do nothing, not again," the car went silent for a few minutes after that.  
"So...your names Mel huh? Short for Melissa? Melinda?" Dean asked, his way of showing he'd accept her as staying,  
"Melanie," she smiled,  
"So Lanie, you ever actually hunted anything yourself?" Dean asked, giving her a wicked grin as if to convey what she was in for, Mel shook her head and started explaining roughly how deep she was already in, which was barely at all. Sam glanced across at his brother, he couldn't help but feel as if something had begun there, he'd never seen Dean accept someone so easily or talk to someone so openly, well, it was openly for Dean. 

Mel talked to Dean like she'd known him forever, it was easy and she divulged far more information than she originally intended to, but then so did he. It was strange how well they got along, Sam had closed his eyes and was dozing in and out of sleep, but that just made it easier for some reason. Mel couldn't put her finger on it but it was like she wasn't judged for anything she said by Dean, he had so many of his own issues he wasn't one to criticise others. There was something about him that put Mel at ease, and there was something about him she found easy to read. His version of himself was always going to be much worse than anyone else's, she could see it in his eyes but she respected that too. It was the kind of look most women thought they could change, he was the man who needed saving and they would be the ones to do it, but Mel had only known him a few minutes and she could already tell that he was beyond that. He couldn't be saved because he didn't realise he needed to be, and by the time he's realised that it would be too late for him to feel like he deserved to be. 

...............…….................................. 

Mel shook herself free from her memories and looked up at Dean, over eight years older and not much wiser, well at least when it concerned himself. Mel kissed him and smiled, it didn't matter what Dean thought, it never had, she knew the truth even if she couldn't convince him of it, which is why she never tried and why he loved her the way he did. Dean always assumed that he needed saving from becoming a monster, but he didn't deserve it because he already was one; Mel knew he could never be the monster he saw himself as, she couldn't save him from it because he never was it, he could never become a monster, it wasn't in his heart. She squeezed his hand and started pulling him back towards the house.  
"Come on, Sammy's gonna want to know what's happening," she said,  
"You sure she doesn't hate me just a little bit,"  
"No, she just didn't understand,"  
"How'd you get her to understand?"  
"I actually spoke to her and told her stuff," she said bluntly,  
"Haha, that's funny, you're funny," Dean mocked her humorously,  
"I'm serious though Dean, you want this to work we have to talk to each other, and I mean really talk," Mel looked up at him as they walked, "we can't afford to keep secrets or worry about what the other one is thinking, I know you'll be gone a lot some days and home a lot others, and I know those times will seem to come all at once, but you can call and talk to us, you can turn up for just an hour to see us, you can tell me when things are going south, I want to know, I don't care how much you think I might worry or how much you think it might hurt for me to know, if you try and carry us all on your own, we will fail,"  
"I know, Lanie, I know," Dean sighed, "I will make myself do all that, I promise, but in the event that I don't, you know, cause you know me, any chance you could not give up on me?" He grinned at her,  
"I haven't yet Winchester, and I never will, but I'm not doing the same dance with you forever, you gotta change it up a bit every now and then," she laughed as he spun her around,  
"So long as you keep in mind that a lot of dances have quite a few twists and turns and some spinning out of control crap,"  
"I'll remember that," she smiled at him,  
"Lanie, I know who I am, I'm not exactly happy with it, and I know there's not a lot I can do to change it, but I know it's all me," he stopped and turned to her, "thank you for knowing it too and never trying to change me, hell I could use it, but...you never felt sorry for me, for who I see myself as, for who I am and how I got this way, you just accepted it and let me be my twisted, messed up self. You didn't see a man who needed saving, you saw me," he pulled her in and kissed her deeply, his hand around the side of her face and the other around her waist. Mel kissed him back with as much passion and love and when they finally pulled apart Dean lent his forehead against hers, he sighed and kissed the top of her head before carrying on towards home.  


"I wish it could be different, I wish I could be different," he said quietly as they walked,  
"I don't," Mel shrugged, "this is us, don't get me wrong, I'd love you to be the perfect family man, home every night and at the weekends, but it's not you, it won't make you happy even being a family with us,"  
"But how are you okay with that?" Dean frowned at her, "a few days ago, you said you never told me about Sammy because you wanted to know if you were enough, and now you're saying you're happy not being enough, I don't get it,"  
"You're making everything too literal, I know I'm enough, you know I am, same as you are to me, but I don't rely on you to be my only source of happiness and fulfilment, there are a hundred different aspects to life and you have to find some contentment in each to really be happy," she looked up at him, "I know you can't work a normal job and be happy, not with the knowledge of what's out there and what you can do to stop it, it would niggle at you until you couldn't help getting back in the game, it always does, and not because I'm not enough or you don't love us enough to leave it behind, but because it's who you are, it's just as much a part of you as we are, and I love all of you so I love that part of you too,"  
They weren't far off the house now, Dean looked down at her and shook his head, "I just can't help feeling like you're sacrificing everything to have a half life with me so I can be happy,"  
"You need to start realising that I'm not sacrificing anything, I did that when I left you the first time, and a half life with you is what I want, and it's what will make me happier than a full life without you, or worse, with someone else," she cringed,  
"You never know, you could find someone tall, dark and handsome like me," he laughed,  
"That does sound appealing, when you put it like that, maybe they'd be really really rich and we could live in a castle or something," Mel pretended to make her eyes light up, "oh it would be wonderful, the parties, the dresses, the people,"  
Dean sniggered and pulled her towards him as they walked up the path, looking like a couple of loved up teenagers. Mel kissed him and smiled, "In all seriousness Dean, I'm so in love with you, how do you think I'm supposed to move on with someone else when there's a mini version of you and your gorgeous green eyes living under the same roof?"  
"Ok, I'll let you have that one," Dean smiled too,  
"Let me have that one?" Mel laughed as she opened the door and walked in, they continued their mini fake argument all the way to the front room where three faces sat looking at them expectantly. 


	19. Beginnings

"Good walk I take it?" Sam smirked a little, "did you wanna fill us all in?"  
"Maybe later," Dean shrugged, still pissed at him for stalking out on him earlier. His eyes met Sammy's as she looked up at him nervously, not sure what to do or say. He went and knelt down on the floor in front of her.  
"Hey bird, how's it going?" He asked smiling, "you okay?"  
Sammy nodded, tears in her eyes and then took Dean by surprise when she flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Dean grinned, scooping her into his arms and standing up with her.  
"I'm sorry daddy," she said quietly into his neck,  
"No, I'm sorry Sammy, you've got nothing to be sorry for," Dean squeezed her tightly,  
"It's okay if you still have to go tomorrow," she said,  
"Well, me and your mom thought we'd try out this new thing, I think she said it was your idea actually," Dean grinned at Sammy as she lent backwards in his arms to look at him, "Really?" Sammy looked at him with wide eyes,  
"Really," Dean said, "I'll come back as often as I can and stay as long as I can, this is home now,"  
"Wow, that's...that's brilliant," Sam smiled, "I'm happy you guys worked it out,"  
"Thanks Sam," Dean hugged him as Sam got up,  
"I'm just gonna make a drink, anyone else want one?" He asked and all of them nodded. Sam made his way out the door and into the kitchen closely followed by Mel.

"So...what do you really think?" Mel asked him as she got some cups out to help,  
"I think it's great that you've figured it out so you're all happy," he smiled as best he could,  
"Sam, come on, practice what you preach," Mel nudged him gently,  
"I think you're ability to read anyone with the last name Winchester is unfair," Sam sighed in defeat, "and I think you're paying a high price just to make Dean happy,"  
"Oh not you too?" Mel huffed, going to get the milk,  
"What do you mean not me too?"  
"Dean thought the same, probably still does," Mel put the milk down and turned to lean her back against the counter, folding her arms too,  
"So what did you say to him?"  
"I told him I wasn't sacrificing anything, that I did that when I left the first time, that this is my decision just as much as it is his, so on and so forth," Mel nodded along,  
"But what about your happiness, what about Sammy and you and having a stable and safe home?" Sam frowned in concern,  
"Dean makes me happy, he needs to be a part of our lives, however that happens, but like I told him, he's not the only thing that makes me happy, I'm not gonna be sat at home waiting for him just so I can smile again,"  
"I know that Mel, you were never like that, it's the farthest thing from who you are, I just worry that you're too concerned about making Dean happy because he won't make himself happy, that you're forgoing your own hopes and dreams," Sam shrugged, he knew Mel so well but Dean was the one factor he couldn't figure out in her eyes. Mel walked over and put her arms around his waist, hugging him gently but tightly. Sam put his arms around her and she lent her head on his chest. A lot had passed between them over the years but he was still the closest thing to a brother she had.  
"I promise I'm not just thinking of Dean and Sammy, I love him, Sam and this is the only way that makes sense, and can make us all happy," she spoke into his chest,  
"Okay, I believe you, but the minute it stops working, you have to promise me you'll change it," he rested his chin on top of her head,  
"I promise," Mel said, "and you have to promise to stop in a lot too, I don't want to lose you again either,"  
"You won't, I promise too," she felt him smile,  
"Sam I'm sorry, I have all my reasons and excuses for what I did, and in relation to Dean they all made sense, but uh...you?...you I should have told,"  
"Hey, we're good, don't worry about it," he rubbed her shoulders and let go, "I understand Mel, I'm kind of grateful a little bit, Dean would never have spoken to me again if I'd known," he smiled at her,  
"Thanks Sam," she smiled back,  
"But uh, you can be just as bad as Dean for being stubborn, so you know...don't try and save this family all by yourself,"  
"I'm not, I promise, again," she laughed a little,  
"Good, there's a fair few of us in it so we should all be doing our part,"  
"You got that right, so don't forget it," she smiled again, "I'll help you carry these in," she said as he finished making the drinks. They walked back through to the front room and sat down to chill out. 

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, much to everyone's disappointment. They played a game or two to appease Sammy and everyone had a lot of fun joining in. They ate tea fairly late again but not too late that Sammy didn't have to go to bed, she wasn't too happy about it and it took every bit of effort and strength, plus some new found negotiating skills from Dean to get her up there. Once she was asleep the four adults watched a film which happened to be on a TV station before heading off to bed too. Mel said goodnight to Sam and Cas before closing the door and sighing. It was only a few seconds later that Dean opened it again and walked in.  
"Hey," he said quietly as he climbed into bed beside Mel,  
"Hey," she wriggled into his arms and lay with her head on his chest, after a few minutes she said, "Dean, thank you, for trusting me, I know how hard it is for you to believe that I want this just as much as you do,"  
"And _that's_ why I trust you Lanie," Dean said, he gently lifted her face up to his and kissed her. It started off as slow and meaningful, he meant for it to be more of an 'I love you, goodnight' kiss but it turned into something much more intense very quickly. Mel couldn't help herself, she gripped the hair on the back of his head and gave him a long and slow kiss. With every taste and touch of tongue and lip she found herself getting hungrier and hungrier for him, she moved to sit on top of him, kissing him softly again as she sat straddled across him.

Dean had forgotten how much he liked the view from here, he ran his hands up her back and lent her forward crushing her lips into his. He twisted her hair around his fingers and gripped the back of her head tightly, finding it hard to keep control when all he could hear was her soft but deep moans as they moved together. Dean sat up, pushing her with him and moving so her legs were stretched out behind him. She gasped and moaned as he started rocking her back and forth slowly and gently to begin with, becoming harder and faster until he couldn't take it anymore. With his hand still in her hair he twisted around putting her back flat to the bed, swallowing her moans as he pushed deeper into her. Dean took a moment to really look at her, really feel her and all he had for her before pressing his lips to hers, moving his tongue in time with his hips and making Lanie gasp and groan. He kissed down her neck and across her chest, she flicked her tongue across his skin and it felt like fire and ice. He couldn't control himself any longer, he let their movements build and build, pushing Lanie over the edge and allowing himself to follow. It took all her self-control not to cry out. Dean collapsed on top of her, nuzzling her neck and then her face before kissing her deeply, he smoothed the hair from her face and looked down at her, grinning happily.  
Mel smiled back and ran her hands up and down his back lightly making him twitch, she laughed and carried on so he took her hands one by one and locked his fingers with hers, putting her hands either side of her head. He kissed her again smiling and rolled next to her, still panting slightly as he settled onto the bed. Mel looked across at him and giggled. She lent up on her elbow to face him and put a hand on his chest, tracing circles as she looked at him grinning.  
"I think we needed that," Dean laughed,  
"We're gonna need it again in about two minutes," Mel said, the corners of her mouth twitching,  
"Really?" He smiled, taking the hand she had on his chest and using it to pull her over him,  
"Really," Mel started kissing down his neck again making him moan quietly. She smiled as she carried on, she couldn't help it. This wasn't goodbye but it didn't mean they couldn't make the most of the last night they had together for a while. 

The two of them spent most of the night rolling around and making every embrace count. Every touch, every kiss, every moment savoured. The taste and the feel of each other burned into memory, they gave completely and held nothing back from one another. It was the first time they'd been together and been in love where they weren't wondering what the other was feeling, where they didn't have a heavy heart or feel like they were overshadowed by other burdens. It was them in the here and now that mattered, having fun and being one without it meaning anything other than being in love. They loved and laughed, touched and tasted, gasped and moaned till they were too spent to do anymore, finally collapsing together, exhausted, side by side on the bed. Mel let out a laugh and Dean stifled it with a kiss, quieting his own at the same time. He nuzzled her nose and kissed down her neck before planting a firm one on her forehead.  
"I love you Lanie,"  
"I love you too Dean," Mel replied as she snuggled in to him, her head on his chest. She let the rise and fall of his breathing send her off to sleep, which didn't take long. Dean was only seconds behind, falling asleep with a smile on his face and a heart that felt content and peaceful. Be couldn't remember the last time he'd fallen asleep that way.


	20. Always yours

The next morning Sammy came bounding through the door and onto the bed. She wriggled in between Dean and Mel, sitting on top of the covers and frowning at her mom.  
"What happened to your pyjamas mommy?"  
"I got too hot so I didn't put them on," Mel said, her eyes still shut and half asleep,  
"Oh, is that why daddy doesn't have his on too?"  
"Uh-huh," Mel nodded slowly,  
"I'm going downstairs, I heard Uncle Sam and Uncle Cas in the kitchen, you should get dressed before you come down, it's rude not wearing any clothes when people are here," Sammy told her as she scooted off the bed and out the door. Once the door shut Dean laughed and pulled Lanie into him, still naked he relished the feel of her skin on his. He took her face in his hands and kissed her awake, then just for good measure he carried on kissing her, every inch of her, making her quiver and shiver to the point where she felt she had no choice but to jump him. Dean laughed as she pulled him on top of her and crushed her lips onto his. She figured an early morning session would be a good start to the day, and Dean most certainly wasn't complaining, if anything he was the one with the original idea.

About half an hour later both Dean and Mel entered the kitchen, Cas frowned at them whilst Sammy gave them an innocent look and Sam was trying his best not to laugh.  
"What?" Dean asked,  
"Nothing...it's nothing," Sam sniggered, "just something Sammy said,"  
"I didn't say anything," Sammy frowned in confusion at them all,  
"She asked us if we were too hot to wear our pyjamas last night too," Sam raised his eyebrows at Mel and Dean,  
"Were you?" Mel asked him without flinching,  
"No, I wasn't moving around enough to get that hot," he gave her a cheeky grin,  
"You were the one who insisted we share a bed, what did you think was gonna happen?" Dean grinned back,  
"What did happen?" Sammy asked with a puzzled look, suddenly realising she was out of the loop, "why did you make yourself hot by moving around? That's just silly!" She frowned at them all, waiting for an answer. Cas busied himself with eating his breakfast and Sam tried to reword everything they'd said up to that point to avoid answering the question, stuttering and mumbling as he did so. Dean laughed at Sam's tinted cheeks and awkward way of trying to dig himself out of a hole, he left him attempting it for a good few minutes while he made himself a coffee before rescuing him.  
"It's because we were sharing a bed, Sammy," Dean looked straight at her, not a hint of embarrassment in sight, "when you share a bed with someone else there's two of you warming it up, which makes it hot, and then you're always moving out of each other's way which makes it even hotter,"  
"Oh okay," Sammy said, "why does Uncle Sam find it funny and act weird about it then?" She frowned again,  
"Because he's a child," Dean looked blatantly at Sam,  
"But so am I, and I don't find it funny,"  
"That's because you're more grown up than he is," Dean smiled at her,  
"But he's taller than me," Sammy pointed out,  
"So's Uncle Cas, and he's not a grown up either,"  
"Hey! What'd I do?" Cas looked up from his breakfast,  
"Nothin' right now, but we established a long time ago that you are a child," Dean said,  
"Oversized baby in a trench coat, I believe was the term Dean," Sam said, "besides, I am not a child,"  
"Yes, you are, at the very least you were acting like one," he came and sat down at the island with them all, Mel walked around and sat opposite him.  
"Hey pot," Mel looked at Dean, "have you met the kettle?" She nodded towards Sam who smirked,  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked,  
"Out of all the people sat around this counter, including our six year old daughter, you are the one with the record amount of 'acting like a child' moments," Mel raised her eyebrows at him,  
"That...that is totally...yeah ok, so what? At least I wasn't acting like a child in front of an actual child," Dean tried to defend himself,  
"That's not the point, you're comparing a ratio of childishness to the location of it, which is totally different," Sam said,  
"Okay guys, I think we can leave it there and let it go," Mel looked at them both, "this is going to turn into one of those arguments where you forget what you're fighting about and stops making sense altogether, thus proving both your points that you are like children, so let's all be grown ups shall we?" Mel asked, more rhetorically than anything else. Both men nodded and they all finished breakfast chatting and smiling, with a few small laughs and jokes on the way. Eventually it was time for the guys to get their stuff together and start thinking about making tracks.

Dean helped Sam shove his stuff in the Impala followed by his own bags and then Cas's, Mel had also packed them a bag of medical supplies and bit of food for the journey. They all came back in and sat around the kitchen counters for one last drink before they really had to leave.  
"So, how long is it likely to be before you're home again?" Mel tried to make it sound normal but found it harder than she thought it would be, silently reminding herself over and over that this wasn't goodbye,  
"I dunno, I'm hoping it won't be longer than a few weeks, maybe a month tops, I'll give you a call when we get in later and keep you updated," he gave her a small smile, doing the same thing in his head as she was in hers,  
"Okay, sounds good," she nodded, trying to ignore the sinking feeling she was getting in her heart. Sammy jumped up on his lap to give him a big cuddle and Mel saw the tears in his eyes. This was the best solution and the one that made the most sense but until they got used to this bit, if they ever got used to this bit, it was still going to sting. Dean wrapped his arms around Sammy and squeezed her tight, kissing the top of her head at the same time. He hated himself more for leaving, in that moment with Sammy on his lap and looking up at Lanie, he was so close to staying, but he knew it wouldn't work, at least not right now. 

Sam was the first one to move, he walked towards Mel and scooped her up in his arms, giving her the biggest hug he could manage. She smiled up at him with tears in her eyes and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.  
"Bye Mel, see you in a few," he smiled sadly,  
"You better," she laughed, feeling the choke in her throat, "you end up a stranger again Sam Winchester and I'll be hunting you!"  
"Yes ma'am," he laughed,  
"And never call me that again, I hate it," she grimaced and Sam nodded, smiling,  
"Thank you for letting me stay, and for being so hospitable," Cas came to shake Mel's hand but instead got an unexpected hug, "I am very grateful,"  
"As am I Cas, thanks for all your help, and don't be a stranger either, same rule applies to you as it does to Sam," she warned him smiling,  
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," he smiled back, then turned to Sammy, still stuck to Dean, "Bye Sammy, see you soon," he waved and was again surprised by a hug as Sammy jumped out of Dean's arms and into his,  
"Bye Uncle Cas, make sure you call me all the time, love you," she squeezed him right before moving on to Sam, "love you too Uncle Sam, call me all the time too, please," she wrapped her arms around him tightly and squeezed him before letting go,  
"Love you too Sammy, and I promise I'll call as often as I can," he smiled and ruffled her hair making her giggle. Sam and Cas moved towards the door, waiting and watching Dean. 

Dean got up slowly from the counter, feeling incredibly sick. He couldn't believe he was doing this, he couldn't believe there was something so wrong with him, because there definitely had to be for him to leave this all behind even if it wasn't forever. He picked up Sammy and squeezed her tight, "I love you so much bird, you are without a doubt the best thing to ever happen to me, I promise I'll be back soon and I'll call you all the time, as much as I can,"  
"I love you too daddy," she hugged him and her tears started to fall, making it hard for both Mel and Dean to hold it together. Dean put Sammy down and stood in front of Mel, he looked her dead in the eye and stayed silent for a few seconds, it was like they were talking but no one could hear. After a few moments Dean put an arm around her waist and pulled her into him, kissing her with as much feeling as he could, aware that his brother, best friend and daughter were watching. When he pulled away he could see the tears in her eyes.  
"Just promise me you'll come home," she whispered to him,  
"I promise," he said, and then with only a seconds thought he took the ring off his finger and slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand, "I really promise,"  
Mel looked at him in surprise then took his face in her hands, kissing him quickly one last time. Dean moved away and saw the shock on Sam and Cas's faces, he frowned at them slightly, "what?"  
"Dean...you just..." Sam looked at him confused, "did you just get engaged?"  
"Engaged?!" Dean looked confused, "no...why would you think...?"  
"I'm just holding onto it till he gets back," Mel shrugged,  
"No no, you guys just got engaged!" Sam looked at them with raised brows, "you just put a ring on her left ring finger, you're engaged!"  
"No we're not," Dean shook his head, "d'you see me ask her to marry me?"  
"That's beside the point," Sam laughed,  
"No it's not!" Mel folded her arms, "to be engaged we'd have to be getting married, which we aren't,"  
"Well no, not now..." Sam said,  
"Not ever," Dean laughed,  
"I don't want to get married; for one, I don't want the curse of the Winchester name, no offence," she grimaced, "and for two, I don't need a piece of paper to validate how I feel about someone, I love Dean, I don't want anyone else, and I don't need to get married to prove it,"  
"Yeah but..." Sam tried,  
"No buts Sammy," Dean interrupted him, "I get why a lot of people want to get married, but it's not for us, I gave Lanie a ring as a promise to come home, not as a promise to marry her, she already knows I'm hers,"  
"Wow, okay," Sam grinned up at them, "so basically you skipped engaged and kind of just went straight to married, minus the legal bit," he laughed,  
"Just get in the car Sam!" Dean huffed, the upturned corners of his mouth giving the game away,  
"Hey, Mel's like a sister to me anyway, it doesn't change much, it's just more official now," he laughed as Dean threw a dish cloth at him,  
"Now Sam!" He laughed back,  
"Bye Mel, bye Sammy," he waved to them both as he ducked out the door towards the car, mimicked and followed by Castiel. 

Dean turned back towards Mel and Sammy, he smiled at them and scooped his daughter up, carrying her out to the car. Sam and Cas had taken their seats and were just waiting for Dean. He gave Sammy a final squeeze and kissed her goodbye, promising to call every night when he could and come back as soon as he could. Sammy ran towards the car to talk to Sam and Cas while Dean spoke to Mel.  
"I better go now," he nodded towards the road,  
"I know," she smiled and sighed, glancing towards the car and the three preoccupied people in and around it before pulling Dean close and giving him a kiss he'd never forget,  
"I'll finish that off when I see you next," she winked at him. Dean laughed and shook his head, he gave her one last soft but meaningful kiss before turning and walking towards the car. Sammy came running back to her mom and Mel scooped her up to wave goodbye. Just as Dean went to sit in the car he called out to her, "see you real soon unofficial wife of mine," he winked as he got in the car,  
"Same to you unofficial husband," she waved and smiled as the car pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, sad to see them leave but happy with the beginnings they'd created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, I hope it's liked and it's the first fic I've written. I'm hoping to make it into a series, and I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going with it but it might take me a while so sorry about that. Anyways - thanks for reading and hope you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


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